Fresh Imam of Bulwer - MJ Parody

Fresh Imam Of Bulwer

This is a vaar all about how
My dunya got flipped-turned upside down
And i liked to give a bayaan
so sit right there
i’ll tell you how I became the imam of a town called Bulwer

In west Isipingo born and raised
In the musjid was where i spent most of my days
Chillin out prayin recitin all cool
And making whudu by the taps in the school
When a couple of jerks
They were full of zulm
Startin makin trouble in my daarul uloom
I got in one lil speech and my ma got skrik
She made me one taaweez and shipped me off to a farm called bulwer

I made dua for a lift
And when one came near
The license plate said 786 and a tasbeeh from the mirror
Blasting Uwais Qadri without so much as a care
I jumped in and said bismillah, home to bulwer

I rocked up for esha about five to eight
And i told my ride shukran, jazakallah mate
I looked at the jamaat khana
I was finally there
To sit on the mimbar as the Imam of Bulwer.

MJ

(if you havent guessed it by now this is a parody of 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' by Will Smith)

Bulwer is a small town in KZN, and heres a video of the original theme song to help you sing along.

What If The Lion King is about Inception?

I think Rafiki used inception to plant the idea in Simba's head that he must take back Pride Rock. Allow me to illustrate using stills from the movie.





MJ

If Hashim Amla Played Soccer

If Hashim played soccer he would never dive.

If Hashim played soccer all matches on Thursday night will be moved.

If Hashim played soccer, they'd be sprinkling rose water over the players when they stand for the national anthem

If Hashim played soccer and he scored like Maradona, the commentators would call it the the "hand of Hazrath". But Hashim wouldn't take the goal.

If Hashim played soccer we'd have to stop calling Benni fat and refer to him as Masha Allah

If Hashim played soccer then yellow cards would be replaced by 'Astaghfirullahs,' and red cards by 'naoozibillahs'. When you get a 'naoozibillah' you must sit on the taubah bench and reflect

If Hashim played soccer you would get a yellow card for drinking water while standing

If Hashim played soccer they would rename Cape towns stadium to Green Dome.

If Hashim played soccer, the 90 Minutes would be fardh time, with Extra Time being optional.

If Hashim played Soccer, he would encourage you to kick with your right leg.

If Hashim played Soccer, Instead of shaking the players hands before kick off, Sepp Blatter will put attar.

I originally did this as a facebook status update so I got some great additions from Minhaj

If Hashim played soccer, the world cup would last for 40 days.

If Hashim played soccer, then yellow cards would be makrooh

If Hashim Amla played soccer, then the Fifa countdown would be replaced by 'Insha Allah'

and from The Great One

If Hashim played soccer, stadiums would have a purdah section

MJ

(If you are going to e-mail this or bbm it, I'd appreciate it if you leave my name on it)


www.mjkhan.co.za

Fell free to add in the comments.

The Top Ten Reasons Why The Soccer World Cup is Haraam.

10. The referee does not say Bismillah before blowing the opening whistle for kick off.

9. Shakira is singing the official song and not Junaid Jamshed.

8. The proposed Ashruf Ali Thanvi Eid Gah Stadium was turned down and Moses Mabhida was chosen instead.

7. The Soccer ball is not SANHA approved.

6. When you steal the ball by fouling you get a red card, but you do not get any lashes.

5. It is biased against Muslims because only one Muslim country is being represented. And they aren't even the ones who make sujood after every goal.

4. There is a possibility that you will be having fun and as you know, having fun is haraam.

3. It is sponsored by Greedy, Immoral capitalistic companies like Hyundai. (Toyota would have been ok because they make the Camry and the Corolla)

2. The Vuvuzela is the Shaitaani equivalent of the trumpet that Israfeel will blow on the day of Qiyamaat.

And the number one reason why the World Cup is haraam..

Hashim Amla does not play soccer.

MJ.

Luigi does Enrique Iglesias

Would you jump if I asked you to jump?

Would you glide and never look back
Would you stop if you saw me sinking
Would you share that mushroom tonight?

Would you tremble if I broke that block?
Would you duck for Bowsers flames of might
Now would you jump on that goombas head?
Hold me in your arms tonight?

(Chorus)
I can be your Luigi baby
I can take away those plants
I will stand by you forever
You can take my coins away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie? would you get nabbed
Is this pipe too deep?
Can I see inside?
I don't care, you're here tonight

I can be your Luigi baby
I can take away those plants
I will stand by you forever
You can take my coins away

I just want to rescue you (2x)
Is this pipe too deep?
Can I see inside?
Well I don't care you're here tonight