Thursday, September 24, 2009

Concerning Puddles

I could lose my pride, my reputation and my stature but I fear I will lose everything if I lose my compassion.

This isnt something I place on my top shelf and save for special occasions. Like those boxers that dont have the Mr Price tag on them.

Love is like that sometimes. That pair of jeans that you never wash because youre so scared that the day you want it you cant wear it.

Other times its like that top you see in the store window. Perfect, but not your size.

And sometimes Love is best explained with this textile parable...

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ

But i'm not strong enough to realise those words just yet. I dont doubt them. I just dont feel its meant for me right now

Its not about searching for happiness, or acceptance... or even for someone to share your life with. I dont want to search, I dont want to look. You search for keys, clothes, and a place that makes a good strawberry milkshake. You dont search for Happiness. Because Happiness is not out there. Its within.

This makes sense to me.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Attack of the Indian Werewolf - First Music Video

This is a parody music video for one of the characters in the movie, Rajiv (played by Rapper 1818) I will blog about my opinion on stereotypes in the movie another day. For now, I just want to share this with you guys.

Let me know what you guys think - We intended for this guy to be a joke - to think he is awesome when in reality he is quite lame. Think Pretty fly for a white guy

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Indian Werewolf soundtrack - First Single Released

Heres the first single from our upcoming movie, The Attack of The Indian Werewolf. A little background on this track - we were brainstorming the other night because we needed a track for the Club scene. We were using that Apple Bottom Jeans song as a filler track until we could record our own and it seemed to fit so we used it as a starting point. Also, because this is a spoof of Horror movies, we needed to have something that has a 'thriller' feel to it. So the sound guy came up with this beat and we spent two nights working on the chorus and lyrics for this track. Most of the stuff I came up with wasnt used because it was considered too vulgar. I dont mind though.

Heres the track - let me know what you think - as I said before - we are going to use this for a club scene.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Concerning Taraweeh Characters

So here's something I notice during Taraweeh every year. You get all types of people reading it. I'd like to give them titles so here goes.

The Waterhole Warrior - These guys run to the taps or water cooler after every four rakaats. Water is healthy and im sure that theyre just doing it to rehydrate after a long day of fasting. But notice how long they linger around the water cooler. Reminds me of the Savannah really.

The Rukhu Ninja - This chap sits and waits until the imam goes into Rukhu. Then he jumps up and joins the jamaat, effectively cutting down his qiyaam in half.

The Correction Kaliph - This pretentious chap loves preying on Huffaaz who sometimes err. But its worse than that really - im not saying dont correct the guys. Please do. But sometimes these guys pause to catch their breath. Not that the Correction Kaliph cares about that. He just wants to show everyone how tight his Dhor is.

The High Speed Huffaaz - If I was a nerd i'd probably say something like 'Shuaib read like he had 4 gbs of ram in him'

The Witr Watcher - These are the kids who play 'catching game' during taraweeh but come running into the musjid for the last two rakaats and witr.

The Gum Squelcher - This is the guy who spends half his time trying to remove sesame seeds (from his haleem and naan binging at Iftar) from between his teeth. Almost like its a pasttime or something. Its very hard to concentrate when you have Captain Suction next to you.

The Chair Mafia - Ive got no problem with the guys who use chairs for a legitimate reason, but what I dont get is when I see healthy guys in their mid thirties who stand in their shop the whole day but will pull up a chair for taraweeh. Dont tell me they need the chair because theyve been working hard supervising their staff. These same guys play soccer at night out of Ramadan.

The Burp Ballies - ive discussed this one in detail here so no need repeating myself

The Mxit Master - This chap checks his phone every two rakaats. I'd understand if you were a doctor on call or something, but if youve got less facial hair than your Grandmother, chances are youre not saving anyones life tonight. Put the phone away.

The Snakes and Ladders Mussallee - This guy jumps around the safs. It could be because he is looking for a cooler spot, or because he is filling the gap. But mostly because he has ADD

Ive written about 27th Night Muslims here so I wont repeat it. Im just happy they make the effort, even if its for one night. Allahu Alam.

You guys can leave comments if I have left anyone out.

Heres my Taraweeh Theory -

The time taken to stand up for taraweeh is proportionate to the distance between you and the Imam.


Monday, September 07, 2009

Concerning Status Updates

I put zero effort into titles.

I guess its because titles are pretentious - they are always screaming for attention. I dislike that - thats why when I see someone with constant depressing status updates I make it a point to click 'like'.

For instance - when I see stuff like 'Fathima has never known love like this before and is broken :(' I immediately click 'MJ likes this' because first of all most of the people doing this are like 16 and are too soft, or because I cant stand people who do nothing but mope the entire day.

I mean seriously, you bitches* have so much to be grateful for. The mere fact that you have access to facebook means that youre already ahead in the race.

Look, were all allowed to be sad at times. Im not going to deny you that. But this emo suicidal shit needs to stop. Find a confidant or a guidance councillor or something and talk it out. If you can afford it, see a therapist. If you cant, then go to an Aids Clinic and chat to someone there - If anything, the site of other people walking out and crying should be enough to make you realise that your problems arent the end of the world.

This note makes me sound angry - im not - anger means I care. I really dont :)

So enough moping and self loathing - make shukr for what you have. Know that people are not always true. Know that those who are true sometimes err and most importantly, know that I dont give a shit...unless youre hot. Naah, I still wont care if youre always sad


Thursday, September 03, 2009

Concerning Back Aches

My Back Hurts

I dont know why, but it does. Ive eliminated heavy lifting as a suspect because im bloody lazy. Maybe its the way i sleep - but Ive been sleeping horizontally for the past 26 years so I doubt its that.

It feels like ive been headbutted by a large Turkish Woman. I dont know why I had to drag nationality into it. I guess ive seen too many of them when I went for Umrah. I could enter a lift with two Turkish ladies and I'l see a guy approach the lift and ask me if were 'going up'? The appropriate response would be 'Insha Allah'. This post is very mellow, and should be read like that. Say the word groovy - now continue in that strand.

I dont know why people fight for the air con remote at the musjid. Some people go to musjids that have qaris performing. I go to musjids that have aircons performing. I think the aircon at Sparks road musjid is the reason for my back pain.

As kids were taught that we fast so that we can identify with hungry people. But do we? I dont know. I guess its because i know i'm not going to starve the whole day. because I know that come sunset i'l have a ton of food waiting for me. Then again, maybe I was the only one who didnt make shukr growing up.

I'm listening to alot of Radio Al Ansaar this year - theyve really upped their game in terms of content. You can catch them streaming at this link.

I hardly eat during ramadan. I think theres this misconception that we all kinda wolf down at Sehri. I usually just have a glass of coke and a little bit of water. Im more of a dessert man really. No rice or heavy stuff but please pass the creme caramel.

I want to get into pickling but I dont have the patience. I cant look at a cucumber in a jar for more than five minutes without wanting to eat it.

I think Pizza will be awesome sehri food. I need to test this theory.

It wont help my back though. Doesnt hurt to try :)


Concerning Media Effects

Growing up in the Eighties meant that I derived all my morals and ethics from a large anthropomorphic rat