Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Concerning The Godfather - MJ Style

FADE FROM BLACK: Int. of Don Khaneoles home office - day

BABBOO ESSA (seated in front of the Don's desk, facing the camera)

I believe in hardware. Hardware has made my fortune. Hardware has taught me izzat (respect) I have tried to instill this izzat in my daughter -- I taught her never to dishonor her family. She found a boyfriend; not a Tablighi. She went for a qawali with him; she stayed out till fajr . I didn't protest. Two months ago, he took her for a drive, with another mureed. They made her drink niaz kheer at a Meelad. And then they tried to make her stand for salaami.

Now she wants to recite naath sharif at a urs!

I wept. Why did I weep? She was the light of my life -- beautiful girl. Now she will be a deviate.

[Babboo Essa breaks down. The Don gestures to Shaheen to give Babboo Essa some water]


[Babboo Essa, taking the glass with his right hand]

I went to the Jamiat, like a good Muslim. They urged me to be patient. To provide emotional support for my daughter, but I cannot! I said to my wife, "for haq! We must go to Don Khaneole."

Younus Khaneole (sitting behind his desk, holding a tasbeeh)

Why does this issue weigh your heart? She is still part of the ahlus Sunnah. She has not turned apostate, or even worse, into a Baha’i.


Don, you need to bring her back to the straight path


We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you came to me for mashurah. I can't remember the last time that you invited me to your house for tea and samoosas, even though my wife is your chotifois daughter in law on Fathimas side. But this is not right. You come into my home on the day of my daughters nikkah and ask me to condemn yours because shes taken an interest in a different school of thought. I believe in Unity Babboo. In uniting the families. And you want me to pass judgement on who is right and wrong! I’m reading durood sharif and counting to ten. You better be out of my house by the time I reach ten!


Make maaf Don Khaneole, I meant no disrespect. I see the error in my ways. I shall embrace her, and I promise I will no let three days go without us not saying a word to each other.


Respect differences in opinion

BABBOO ESSA (as he leaves the room)

Shukran bhai Saab

CUT TO: Luca Bhai in Don Khaneoles office -day

LUCA BHAI (after kissing the Don's left cheek)

Don Khaneole, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daugh-- ter's nikkah

(then, after realizing he messed up his rehearsed lines, he fails to recover)

...on the day of your daughter's nikkah. And I hope that their first child is a haafizul Quraan. I pledge my ever-ending loyalty. --

[Playing kids run into the room and then are escorted out by Taahir]

(then, as Luca hands Don Khaneole a cash-filled envelope)

A Kuncha from me


Thank you, Luca, my most valued friend.


Don Khaneole, I'm gonna leave you now, because I know it is almost time for asr


Thank you.

[Taahir escorts Luca out]

[OutSide: Screaming of joy from the party outside]


What is that outside?

CUT TO: Outside, Zain Bhikha enters the party, signing autographs

CONNIE BEN(while running up to Zain)

Zain! Zain! You’ve come!

CUT TO: Don's office. The Don is looking out the window


He came all the way from Johannesburg to come to the wedding; I told you he was going to come.


It's been four years since Mountains of Mecca; He is promoting that new album of his. The one with his kid.


He's a good godson.

CUT TO: Bandstand area -day


Zain, Zain! Sing a Nasheed.

[the crowd encourages Zain, and he gives in]

CUT TO: Mikaeel and Kay's table -day


Mik, you never told me you knew Zain Bhikha!


Sure... You wanna meet him?


Huh? Oh, well, sure!


My father helped him with his career.

ZAIN BHIKHA (OS - outside)

For my sister on her wedding


He did? How?

ZAIN (OS, singing "Zamilooni")

"He stepped inside his home..."


Let's listen to the song...


Oh, Mikaeel...

CUT TO: Zain singing to Connie, who's seated. Then PAN the crowd cheering and

screaming as Zain sings

ZAIN (singing, continues)

"...she was a woman of nobility / successful in all her trade / many wealthy men have asked for her / She had turned them all away / but when she saw Muhammed, a shining moon..."


Please, Mikaeel, tell me.

ZAIN (OS, continues the nasheed)

"He was a light for her / so right for her..."


Zain started off small. Back in 94 when no one was doing English nasheeds. He had no backing or anything so his first album, ‘A Way of Life’ was self published. It got big, and big quick. Before you knew it, everyone was clamouring to work with him. Yusuf Islam, Dawud Wharnsby, Raihaan you name it. So Zain signed up with Jamal records about five years later and bham, exploded into the Global scene. In 2005 Dad told Zain that he needed to create his own Label, and ‘Mountains of Mecca’ was the first album they produced together.

[The song is finished, and we hear applause. The Don goes out to meet and hug Zain]

DON (to the surrounding guests)

My godson comes all the way from Johannesburg...give him a glass of sarbat

ZAIN (whispers into the Don's ear that he wants to talk to him)


I'll take care of it.

CUT TO: Zain Bhikha in the Don's office. -day


I don't know what to do. Theres a huge Nasheed Extravaganza in London next month. Its billed as the ‘Night of Classics’. It will be a great opportunity to market my new single, ‘First we need the Love’. Yusufs performing Tala Al Badru Alaina, and Dawud is doing ‘Sing children of the world’. I want to perform Mountains of Mecca and ‘His name is Muhammed’ but the producer wont give me a slot as I didn’t want to record a single with that new Muslim Rock Band ‘Red Hot Shariah Peppers’. You know I only use vocal percussion and daff Godfather.


What's his name?


Waleed -- Waleed. He -- He won't give me a slot -- and ah, he says there's no chance. No chance.


Dont worry my son, It will all be taken care off. I’l make him an offer he cant refuse. Now go enjoy the wedding, the haleem is about to be served.

*End of Act One*


(This movie is too long to parody in a single post, so I'l split it up into like four blogposts)

(and yes - I love
Zain Bhikha!)