Friday, May 28, 2010

Concerning National Pride

The 2010 Soccer World Cup* is mere days away, and the excitement is building. Shops throughout South Africa are slapping vuvuzelas onto display mannequins and Motorists are sticking flags onto their car aerials, in the hopes of showing their patriotism and also disrupt the clarity when Justin Bieber is played. Kick off specials and Free Soccer balls are the result of most marketers uniting against creativity as each outlet tries to cash in, with most hoping that Fifa do not sue them for copyright infringement.

Naivete and cynicism aside, this is Fifa's baby. We can bask in her glory and stand downwind in the hopes of bathing ourselves in her lingering odour as long as we promise not to touch. Staring is however permissible. Sounds like a strip club actually. Lolly Blatter indeed.

Now that my half assed political commentary is done, lets get back to the Goodies (I watched Tropic Thunder again last night)

I love the mirror flags, and I love the Soccer Tops and I especially love our Stadium (singular - Moses Mabhida) but if we want to build on this patriotic fervour it is imperative that we learn the National Anthem. Lets face it, most of us got the first two lines down, and after that we kinda mumble through the next bit until we reach 'South Africa Our Land'. So here are a few resources to help with the National Anthem. If you learn a line a day, you'll be ready for kick-off.

Heres the words

Nkosi sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo,
Yizwa imithandazo yethu,
Nkosi sikelela, thina lusapho lwayo.

Morena boloka setjhaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa la matshwenyeho,
O se boloke, O se boloke setjhaba sa heso,
Setjhaba sa South Afrika – South Afrika.

Uit die blou van onse hemel,
Uit die diepte van ons see,
Oor ons ewige gebergtes,
Waar die kranse antwoord gee,

Sounds the call to come together,
And united we shall stand,
Let us live and strive for freedom,
In South Africa our land.

If you are having difficulty with pronunciation, this should help

A pronunciation guide to the South African national anthem

First saw this on Uzayrs facebook - great video by Sabc 2.



According to wikipedia, "It is the only neo-modal national anthem in the world, by virtue of being the only one that does not finish in the home key", and yes I do not know what that means either. The one thing I love about our anthem is how inclusive it is. It makes use of 5 of the most popular languages (Xhosa, Zulu, Sesotho, Afrikaans and English) and it combines both the resistance song (nKosi Sikeleli) with the National Anthem used during Apartheid. Syncretism at its best. And the entire thing is about God blessing Africa so suck on that atheists :)

MJ

*Trademark of Fifa (please dont sue me. Nobs)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Concerning Domains

I am the king of mjkhan.co.za and the sand throne people.

So I finally went out and got myself a U.R.L (say it with feeling) Well, I didn't really go out anywhere - I just sat in front of my pc and tried to figure it out with Corpsekicker (shes awesome :D). She suggested I use a company called Texo. Wonderful company and a pleasure to deal with. Theres this guy named Steve who was really helpful and answered all my retarded domain questions.

So, why the change from www.concerningmjk.blogspot.com to www.mjkhan.co.za?

Firstly - just look at that name - quite a mouthful hey. Thats what she said (she being your mum).

Blogger has been good to me over the past four years (they haven't deleted any of my posts or anything. Ok, maybe I have low expectations and stuff) but blogspot doesn't really convey uniqueness. I'm not saying that because I have a different url now. Its just something I've always felt but never got around to changing.

Its like getting a business card from someone and seeing a hotmail address. Doesn't exactly instill confidence in the brand. I bought a griller last year. The packaging was done using WordArt in Microsoft Word. As Vin Diesel in Chronicles of Riddick would say, 'very Skittish'.

Business cards are cool. Especially when you have something stuck in between your teeth and you dont have a toothpick. But im sure they serve other purposes too. Also - its easier to give out a business card then asking someone to add you on mxit. I wouldnt know what to put on the business card though.

Some people put these fancy quotes. The ones that all end with the same word - Anonymous. Theres no such thing as an anonymous quote. Just statements where people were too half-assed to find out who said it.

Coming back to my sand throne pic - it was taken at North Beach. There are these guys who make these awesome sand sculptures - really talented fellows - they have recreated a few of the stadiums amongst other homages to the Soccer World Cup. The only problem is that Fifa is a bunch of assholes, so if anyone from Fifa saw the stuff they are creating, instead of helping them out through monetary means or giving them some cool clothing or what not they will probably bitch about brand infringement and request the city Police to hose it down. Its difficult really. because on one hand I'm thrilled that I get to experience a Soccer world cup, but on the other, the Fifa Gestapo aren't doing much in terms of empowering those who need it most. It would be naive and wrong of me to neglect some of the Social Responsibility initiatives that Fifa have kickstarted. But thats like being raped in prison every day but saying 'Hey, at least now I have time to read The Lord of the Rings'.

I want this to be a World Cup for everyone. For those sitting behind the goalposts, and for those behind the margins.

MJ

btw - You don't have to change your links - everything will be directed here :)

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Top Ten Reasons Why The Soccer World Cup is Haraam.

10. The referee does not say Bismillah before blowing the opening whistle for kick off.

9. Shakira is singing the official song and not Junaid Jamshed.

8. The proposed Ashruf Ali Thanvi Eid Gah Stadium was turned down and Moses Mabhida was chosen instead.

7. The Soccer ball is not SANHA approved.

6. When you steal the ball by fouling you get a red card, but you do not get any lashes.

5. It is biased against Muslims because only one Muslim country is being represented. And they aren't even the ones who make sujood after every goal.

4. There is a possibility that you will be having fun and as you know, having fun is haraam.

3. It is sponsored by Greedy, Immoral capitalistic companies like Hyundai. (Toyota would have been ok because they make the Camry and the Corolla)

2. The Vuvuzela is the Shaitaani equivalent of the trumpet that Israfeel will blow on the day of Qiyamaat.

And the number one reason why the World Cup is haraam..

Hashim Amla does not play soccer.


MJ.