Sunday, September 30, 2007

Concerning Buffdays*

Long Hair - check

Goofy smile - check

Building Sandcastles - check

It's comforting that some things never change :)


Thanks to everyone for the e-mails, sms's, grafitti, wall posts, offline messages, phonecalls and other forms of communication - MJ adores you all

(i'm the one in the middle - the other two were just actors who were paid to absorb the excess toddler awesomeness that i had)

* Yes - i ripped that straight from the vocab of Zesty - perhaps my dumbest title yet :P

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Concerning Silver

She had a knife, he had a skewer, and between them - they couldn't finish the marshmallow dessert.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Concerning Limericks

You would have been hard pressed if you lived in the greater Jhb region and wanted to buy a few fake dvds yesterday.
MJ went into the match supporting India, much to the vehement dislike of my online contacts - the whole support Pakistan because they are Muslim line just doesn't cut it with me - besides, regardless of who won, in the end of the day they are all coolies anyway. Wasn't it cool in a totally ungay way to see Shah Ruk support his team. Ten points to the publicist and ten points to Shah Ruk.
The Great One ( I won't mention names, suffice to say that he has an xbox which makes him cool) told me that he enjoyed my Haiku post last year, and this got me thinking about other genres of poetry that I really enjoy, so I think what I'm gonna do is once every two weeks I'll do a post on a genre, until I run out, or get bored of it, or find something better to do with my life than have a blog.
Just like my Haiku post, I prefer all comments to be in the form of limericks, but if your creative juices were syphoned off earlier in the day to water your garden (see post below) no worries. A limerick is a five line poem with a very specific rhyming structure. according to wikipedia "Limericks are frequently witty or humorous, and sometimes obscene with humorous intent."
The structure is as follows - The first line of a limerick traditionally introduces a person and a place, with the place appearing at the end of the first line and therefore establishing the rhyme scheme for the second and fifth lines. The first, second and fifth line rhyme, and the third and fourth rhyme as well, but are separate rhymes (ok - that's a crappy explanation - let me illustrate)
There was a farmer from Leeds,
Who ate six packets of seeds,
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds! credit
Legman (1977) has noted that limericks are always obscene - but being the month of Restraint, we don't have to go down that route (although it will be rewarded with green mxit smileys by yours truly) Here are some of the ruder ones I found
There once was a man from Madras
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass!
There once was a pirate (the story relates)
who liked to go dancing on roller skates.
He fell on his cutlass
which rendered him nutless
and virtually useless on dates.
There was a young lady named Lou
who said as the parson withdrew--
"Now the Vicar is quicker,
And thicker, and slicker,
And two inches longer than you
There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
And he said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin--
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it
Ok - lets do a few crappy ones (I'm just typing at the top of my head, so if they are lame, sorry - i'l put some thought into them tonight... prob during taraweeh, and put them in the comments page)
There was a young lad named Junaid
Whose game collection was A-grade
he owned a playstation
with great animation
Is it no wonder he never got laid
I once heard of waseem the great
who broke his fast with too many a date
his ass was paining
his tummy complaining
so he only read taraweeh till eight
I went to Kingsmead to watch the cricket
and screamed at the Paki on the wicket
he ran with the bat
he knocked me out flat
I didnt have time to kick it!
I once designed an application on mxit
which gives the user different flavours when he licks it
water got in
the phone was broken
and now nokia refuse to fix it
There was an old man from Dubai
whose cholesterol in Ramadan was quite high
he couldnt understand hey
he had starved the whole day
but broke his fast with six samoosas, some bhajias and a pie


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Concerning Gardening

When Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade

When Life gives you flour, you bake cupcakes

When Life gives you Shit, you fertilise your garden and use it to make your roses bloom


Friday, September 21, 2007

Concerning Green Beans

*quick rambling post*

Taraweehs great and all that but sometimes it ends up being more entertaining than is expected. I want chicken. BBQ Chicken from spur. Is this where I see myself. I feel like someone just handed me a flyer or something.. in criminal law - thats called acessory to crime - because he knows i'm gonna throw it away.

why don't i eat seafood - seafood opens doors. not the type you walk through but the type you eat with tartare sauce. i make great toast - chicks dont get with guys who make great toast. Its like - 'hey baby, i can toast that bread of yours until its golden brown'.

it doesnt work!

but at least i dont starve. But i got my own thing going - jam, marmalade, melrose - i'l put pizza on my toast if there was a halaal one here. They say that time slows drips in Bloemfontein.

They Lied.

It seemed to have tripped itself sixty years ago and is too lazy to pick itself up. the worst thing about Bloemfontein - no halaal food. I hate vegetables now. i still like peas. no one gave me peas. Green beans will never taste good. Why do people still eat it. No one eats roses anymore - i'm sure many people tried. but t doesnt taste good. green beans give you false hopes - you get hungry, and they begin to resemble long peas.

ever go for taraweeh and feel like you on an episode of punkd. Like ashton kutcher was going to jump out from behind the mimbar, and is like - You're Punked! so you get the first guy. I'l call him

Bullet Bassa - he doesn't read. he just kinda hums you know. this is not taraweeh, this is taebo. then there's

Slow Ass siraj - now this guy is just as bad - he heard too many Basit recitals, and each rakaat just ends up being this laborious process where your only goal in life is to get to sujdah. i need to find a chair.

Stuttering solwa - you have a speech impediment, that's cool - what you doing leading a congregation? you wanna play imam - there's always maghrib. Now don't act p.c and say at least he's trying. if you gonna complain, find me a chair.

so now i'm feeling for liquorice. but liquorice never fills you. its like food without the end result.


Mxit awaits

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Concerning Ramadan (2)

You always see in the movies, some lonely NASA outpost in Wisconsin, and there’s this kid on nightwatch and he’s monitoring the airwaves for alien life forms, and all of a sudden, at 4 a.m, a big blip appears on the circular radar device… that’s how it must have felt for the white guys working night-shift at Mxit HQ in Stellenbosch this morning when there was a mass log in.

So the blessed month has hijacked us again. That’s the thing about Ramadan, it comes in too quickly, but leaves just as fast.

I don’t remember tarawih being this tiring though. Perhaps I didn’t warm up sufficiently or something – now it makes sense why Esha is 17 rakaats – the first twelve are warm up exercises for tarawih. Tonight I’m going with an Energade – because that’s how I roll! Before you roll your eyes and spread hate towards my general direction – I love tarawih, for me its one of the highlights of Ramadan, I was just drained last night, prob tonight as well.

People lament at how chicks only wear scarves in Ramadan, and guys grow their beard for a month and then shave it after the Eid Gah – well, good for them I say. It is not up to us to judge – because intention is most important. So I don’t watch TV or play video games in Ramadan – that doesn’t mean I can look down on people who do – Ramadan is a collective experience, but at the same time a very personal one as well.

Two nights ago I started the MJ Ramadan work out. So every night I’m going to do fifty push ups, approximately fifty push ups - give or take 15(mostly take) and by Eid Day I should have a summer body that I can hide under my Kurtah. I still believe that ‘abs’ are a government conspiracy so I wont be concerning myself with that.

100 points to OH for the hilarious Die Hard piece. But you already know that points don’t matter – points are like Ramadan breath when you’re horny, or half price lunch buffets at Jon Dorys.