Friday, February 26, 2010

Luigi does Enrique Iglesias

Would you jump if I asked you to jump?

Would you glide and never look back
Would you stop if you saw me sinking
Would you share that mushroom tonight?

Would you tremble if I broke that block?
Would you duck for Bowsers flames of might
Now would you jump on that goombas head?
Hold me in your arms tonight?

I can be your Luigi baby
I can take away those plants
I will stand by you forever
You can take my coins away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie? would you get nabbed
Is this pipe too deep?
Can I see inside?
I don't care, you're here tonight

I can be your Luigi baby
I can take away those plants
I will stand by you forever
You can take my coins away

I just want to rescue you (2x)
Is this pipe too deep?
Can I see inside?
Well I don't care you're here tonight

Thursday, February 25, 2010

My name is Khan... and I sometimes misspell Terrorist

Last night on formspring, some anonymous person asked me for tips because they want to become a lecturer. The first tip I would give them is that they should not be financially motivated, because lecturers make zip. Actually its not too bad. Its a comfortable salary. For one. But thats the thing about lecturing. You dont do it for the money. You do it because of your desire to teach. Or if you want a complex. But hopefully its because you enjoy teaching. So I started rattling off some tips and before I knew it, I had written a treatise of sorts. The thing about formspring is that within a day it'l be off my main page so I thought i'd save it here in case anyone wants to read it. Also, about a 200 of you peeps that I have as facebook friends are students/ or former students off mine, i'd like you guys to comment as well so that I will learn and improve and the new guys can also benefit. Lets start.

Firstly - you have to have passion for what you're teaching. If you don't, your students will pick up on it and you are in trouble.

You must be prepared for class. You don't have to be a walking wikipedia but you must come across as a somewhat authority figure or at the very least - know what you're teaching.

Next point follows on from this. Don't think you know all the answers. Listen to your students, learn from them and admit when you are wrong. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Unless you say something retarded.

From the onset state that you don't have all the answers. But make an earnest attempt to research or find answers for questions raised that you may not have the answers for.

Try to spice up lectures. Students attentions spans isnt what they used to be. Largely due to the nature of modern media. We have been programmed to digest quickly and move on. Also - there is a dependency on visual media. If you can (if your course allows it - im lucky in that my stuff does) use it. I find that powerpoints help. Make your lecture notes available to students. Dont spoon feed them. What I do is that immediately after my lectures, I upload my powerpoints or references (if they are links to websites or book references) onto the department server. If students want, they can download the files and keep them. I dont like encouraging them to write down everything in class because then you are so preoccupied with dictation that you sometimes lose the essence of what is taught. I rather they listen and jot down key words, or key points.

Use humour if you can. I find that students are much more receptive and their retention is better if what im teaching is presented in a funny way. This wouldnt work for some courses so you must figure it out.

Make yourself accessible to the students. But not too accessible. Stay behind for a bit (provided there arent any lectures immediately after) and ask the students if they understood everything. Be willing to spend some time with those who come after wards and need stuff to be clarified. The ones who do this are usually the hardworkers that want to do well. Give your e-mail out, but not your cell number.

Dont try to be buddy buddy just for the sake of it. If your personality is such that you are likeable, then all well and good. But dont force it if it doesnt come naturally. Also - Draw the line. The students must feel comfortable around you to express themselves but must know that there is still a Hierarchical structure that must be respected.

Cellphones off. And that goes for you too. That time that you are teaching, is an amanaat (Trust) between you, the students and the University. Its not the time to answer calls from your mates who want to just say hi.

Make sure that your students know what is required of them when you set assignments and projects. I always give guidelines - approximate page numbers help. Ensure that everyone knows what is expected of them. Uniformity is sometimes key. I insist on typed, 12 Font Times New Roman with one and half spacing from all my students. Spend some time going over layout.

Stamp out plagiarism from the word go. This is a huge problem in our universities these days, and it is just exacerbated by the accessibility of information available on the internet. What I do is that whenever i set an assignment, I firstly wikipedia (yes i use it as a verb)the subject matter and read through that a few times, as well as google key phrases in an effort to identify articles or webpages that might be plagiarised.

Be fair with all students. Be consistent with punishment, and reward.

Always be willing to learn and check up from time to time on updated knowledge or revised editions of your specific field. Even something as seemingly static as history changes when new information is brought to the fore.

Jeez. I didnt expect to write so much. I hope this helps though. If you want to know more - just e-mail me at and we can brainstorm :)

I'm going to be sitting on a panel tonight for a radio show being hosted by Fatima Asmal. Its about problems facing our youth and i'l be chatting with Moulana Kamdar, Baba Ali, and Edris Khamissa. So thats 8:30 PM till 10:30 PM on 103 FM Stereo so tune in for that. Its streaming on


My title has nothing to do with this post. I watched the movie last night and I really enjoyed it so I had to put that in there :)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

First Trailer for Attack of The Indian Werewolf

Its not really a spoiler that I die anymore. In fact - it seems to have become a running joke of sorts. But I dont mind. It was great fun shooting and being a part of this movie. Hits Local (i.e Durban) Theatres in March, and if the response is good we will be taking it Nationwide (i.e Lenz)


Friday, February 19, 2010

Concerning Unity

I'm too old for pimples.

Surely I have outgrown puberty by now.

Sadly no one told this pimple that.

Theres no quick fix either. No magical ointment that will make it go away instantly. Sure, the girls might use concealer, but all youre really doing is just hiding the problem.

Lifes like that sometimes. So often we skim past the fine print. We ingest the weight loss pill but neglect the kilojoule controlled diet. Thats like tossing a blind man a Rubicks cube. I dont actually find that to be particularly mean though. I'm guessing its all going to be one colour anyway. Black.

Dont worry - no blind person is going to read this note.

Thats a real test - being blind. Not a silly bit of oily dirty skin. Reminds me of the last ayat of Surah Baqarah*.

But it is difficult. To not feel pity for oneself. Its difficult for me, to imagine that the world isnt spinning around me. I hate being excluded, but this shouldnt hurt me. it shouldnt make me upset. Especially when its silly.

When you are young it is so easy to see the flaws in each others deen. You know exactly why you are right and why everyone else is wrong. Hopefully when you grow older you realise that it doesnt matter whose right and whose wrong. All that matters is that you are a good person. That you are good to your family, your friends and your community. I dont find the need to define myself by pointing out what I am not.

They do this, and they do that. They sit and they stand. They fold their hands. They fold their trousers. They fold their handkerchiefs into make-do hats. We get so caught up in this defining game. The creation of the other.

Those who know my nature know that I am a calm and laidback person, but there are four things that anger me

1. If someone spills alcohol onto me
2. If someone hits a woman
3. And if someone smokes near a child.
4. If two Muslims are fighting

How often do we hear about this call to Unity. Islam has never had more followers, but we have never been so weak. There is no strength in numbers. We have been surpassed in the realm of technology, medicine, economics and every other field.

How much longer can we hold onto the glory of Muslims in Spain? Yes, we paved the way for eye surgery. And then what? We dropped the ball.

Yes - we gave women rights that were unheard of at the time. We gave them dignity, value. And then what? We keep them locked up at home, we have honour killings, we dont educate them.

This isnt Islam...

But Muslims are doing it. We allow the Saudi government to pave and destroy our heritage sites,so that a new starbucks can be built. So that we can have a happy meal between tawaafs. We build these huge skyscrapers in the desert, so we can hold a silly record for the tallest building. I wonder how many lives are worth that little plaque that hangs in the lobby. I wonder how many Palestinian children could be educated with that money. How many Yemeni children could be fed. This is the inequality we live with. Where our Sheikhs have Gold plated taps, and our brothers in Bangladesh dont even have clean water.

We speak about unity, but what is it? I really want to know how we could be united. I wrote about this before but I want to touch on it again - what if when the the Mahdi appears, we dont want to follow him because his mannerisms dont resemble our own? We are becoming so isolated in our own school of thought that we fail to realise that there is an entire world out there of Muslims. Its bigger than us.

We all think we are the chosen ones and the other 72 are doomed to hell. Show me the brotherhood in this kind of mentality?

I do not agree with what some Aalims say, but I still respect them.

I do not want to be a moderate if being moderate means further division in this Ummah. I do not want to a fundamentalist if a fundamentalist is one that disregards any interpretation but his own

I just want to find my place


* I'l paste the ayat in the comments page.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Read the Majlis Much?


The Pied Piper - by Yoriyos

I adore this track :)

The Pied Piper by Muhammed Islam (son of Yusuf Islam) he goes by the stage name of Yoriyos.

Wholesome music with a great message :)

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Types of Women - The ECW Originals

So this Prince of Darkness (and all associated paraphernalia) has written a post on the different types of women out there. All well and good, but maybe i'm just exposed to the more extreme variety of female form. So with that in mind - Heres a couple of categories that Hamish might have missed out on. And no, this is by no way a complete list. I just hope to add to the discourse. Also - this list is extremely biased and only represents one end of the spectrum. Also - like Tolkien said in his preface to the Lord of the Rings - this piece isnt meant to be allegorical so dont assume it is about anyone in particular.

Smeagol/ Gollum

Note that this is different from the 'confused' chick, which I shall get into next.
The smeagol / gollum chick resembles something from that seminal soliloquy in the Two Towers

S: He does have a lot of time for me
G: Yeah, but its just the first eight months
S: but he is a sweet guy
G: Im sure Hitlers mum thought the same thing about him
S: He bought me a lovely watch, he must care alot
G: Should have held out longer and got a bracelet. One of those white gold bracelets.
S: But he likes me for me
G: So does Ashraf. I'm sure he would have bought you a bracelet
S: I do like white gold my preciouss

Confused chick

Traditionally, if you were confused you would be perplexed or confounded, unable to distinguish or even choose between two things. Confused chicks are NEVER confused. They know exactly what they want. but they appear confused because they can never appear to seem to having their cake, and subsequently stuffing their faces with it. 'Confused' chicks are very similar or rather have the same mindset as ...

The Victim

The victim is a wiley attention seeking prat. She knows how to play that innocent yet slightly naughty angle so well, that if she were to write about it on wikipedia, no one would edit it. ever! Guys love that angle, so every time she updates her facebook with one of the 'why me?' status updates, she can be assured of having at least eight people consoling her and ensuring her that whatever happened, it was surely not her fault. The victim never takes responsibility for her actions, but then again.. why would she? Its much easier to ignore casualties.

Rally Chick

Rally chicks, or cause whores are notorious for joining causes or for being a part of protest marches, not because they give a shit... but because they just love rallies. Thats why you'd see them at the most pointless of rallies. Is there a 'Save the T Rex' march happening on Friday? You'l be sure that Rally chick will be there. Rally chicks dont care about anything except rallies. Thats why they'l attend a pro life rally on wednesday and a pro choice one on thursday. Be wary of the ones who join every single group on facebook. Thats usually a safe sign that you might know a rally chick.

The Dementor

This chicks purpose is nothing more than to suck the life and happiness out of you. Excited about winning a competition or getting good grades or being elected to some position? Watch how the Dementor saps it out of you by reminding you that you were just lucky, or that a monkey could have got an A or that her pet Lizard would have beaten you provided that the voters were allowed to elect reptiles. Dementors are never happy for you. Its always about them. And once youve been exposed to the dementors kiss, no Patronus can save your ass.

The Sugar Daddy Girl

These materialistic bitches dont love you, they love the Prada purses you blow three of your paychecks to get them. Sure, it might seem all good for the moment, but one day you're going to be eating beans out of a can for supper six days a week so that on Sundays you can take her out for Crayfish. I dont feel sorry for guys who end up being sugar daddies.

Feel free to add more in the comments section


Tuesday, February 09, 2010

All Your Badr Are Belong To Us


MJ introducing Waahid

Last Night of the Al Ansaar Souk. During the Car draw. Sixteen Thousand people in attendance. Was caught offguard to introduce a nasheed group. This is how it went down.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Michael Jackson Nasheeds - MJ Style (infomercial)

Michael Jackson was not a Muslim.

Now that we have established that, It would be fun to imagine what his songs would be like had he been one. Ive done this before with Bob Marleys songs so it seemed fun to try it with some Michael jackson songs too. Ive kept to the tune so it might help to have the original playing in the background if you would like to sing along.


Muslims around the world rejoice as the King of Pop releases his first Nasheed album since converting, and unlike Yusuf Islam - It hasnt taken him twenty years to do so. Replace that moonwalk for the Iqama shuffle. That silver glove for some leather socks and join Mikaeel as he sings about his experiences as a Muslim. All his great tracks - Now halaal!

Who can forget popular tracks like his Hajj song,' Wanna be circlin somethin'

I Said You Wanna Be Circlin' Somethin'
You Got To Be Circlin' Somethin'
I Said You Wanna Be Circlin' Somethin'
You Got To Be Circlin' Somethin'
It's Not Hard To make dua (Yeah, Yeah)
Too walk To the safa (Yeah, Yeah)
You're makin The Tawaaf (Yeah, Yeah)
And running to Marwa (Yeah, Yeah)
It's Not Hard To make dua (Yeah, Yeah)
Too walk To the safa (Yeah, Yeah)
You're makin The Tawaaf (Yeah, Yeah)
And running to Marwa (Yeah, Yeah)

To classics from the good old days with the 'Jackson Five'

'Blame it on the Biddah'

My fiqh is always changin'
And it wouldn't be a bad thing
But I don't get no thawaab
And that's no lie

We spent the night innovating
with every kind of dating
And from that night I kissed
My iman goodbye

Don't blame it on sunnah
Don't blame it on tafseer
Don't blame it on muftis
Blame it on the biddah

To songs of Unity like this popular one

Dont matter if you Are Shiite

Don't Tell Me You Agree With Me
When I Saw You making takfir of that man

But, If
You're Thinkin' bout being my brother
It Don't Matter If You're are Shiite

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My brother
It Don't Matter If You are shiite

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My Hajibhai
It Don't Matter If You are shiite

Mikaeels nasheeds are full of good messages, like this classic which reminds us to be wary of paying our Fitrah

It's close to fajr and something heavy is weighing in your heart
You havent paid your fitrah, the Eid Gah is almost about to start
You try to rush but someone takes the tin before you make it
You start to freeze as they started reading the takbeer on the field
You're paralyzed

'Cause this isnt Lillah, Lillah bhai
And this is obligation, its a wajib, its their right
You know it not Lillah, Lillah bhai
You're fighting for some time before the six takbeers and hugging outside