Thursday, June 23, 2011

Concerning Sai Baba

There is a sweetness in marriage. Wholesome. Yet dizzying. Like when your diabetic grandmother eats a kilo of burfee on Eid day. Burfee is like crack for old Indian ladies with diabetes. We dont get a lot of crack this side. All the kids are killing themselves with deodrant and mr min.

Sai Baba passed away two months ago and I was quite disappointed with the forwarded crap I got on BBM (I get a lot of crap, but thats for another blog) Lots of jokes and things from some of my muslim friends. I didnt agree with some of Sai Baba's philosophies (I agreed with a lot of what he preached too) but i'm sick of the intolerance shown by Muslim friends towards other religions.

And its not just the jokes about Sai Baba, but this general culture of forwarding unverified nonsense. It is so easy to click retweet, or share or broadcast something that often people do it without thinking. We dont even realise that some of these forwards lead us away from Islam - I got one today about the Mayan apocolypse (I was hoping the crappy John Cusack movie would have stifled these forwards) and the guy ended the broadcast message with - this is no joke - qiyamat is on 21 December 2012. No one apart from God knows when the last day will come. No one.

Then we have all the 'this is haraam, that is haraam' forwards - some of which dont even make sense. McCain peas are haraam now? really. Which idiot thinks that the peas are contaminated by pork?

This is a double edged sword - The internet as a medium differs from traditional media - in many way it is like (spoiler alert) the deformed baby at Kings Cross in the last Harry Potter book - sometimes you just need to ignore it. By making a big noise about websites just creates awareness. The internet is a pull media, meaning that you actually seek out what you want - like when you google a product. This is different from traditional media which is push - like television. Internet sites depend on hits, and this increases their value. However, sometimes making a noise works - some asshole created a facebook page called 'My name is Khan 2010' to slander and insult Hindus. Not many people knew about it at first, but once it was publicised, the groundswell was enough for the admin folks at facebook to sit up and take notice.

We live in an information age, yet the degree of ignorance and intolerance is shocking. Black eyed Peas asked - Where is the Love?, As my boy Zain Bhikha says - First we need the love. As Sai Baba said - The mind sees separateness, LOVE sees unity.

My name is Khan and I am not a bigot


MJ

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Concerning Shirk

The imam at last weeks Jumuah was discussing shirk (associating partners with God) and how it is everywhere. In movies, sport and a myriad of entertainment vehicles. He stated that Hollywood is very blatant when it comes to propagating shirk. So this got me thinking, what if Tinseltown really went all out with this. And before I get any hate-mail (or anonymous formspring vitriol) im not undermining the essence or severity of shirk, merely thinking about what the imam said. I did a similar post four years ago (geez ive been blogging for a while) where I replaced a word in a movie title with Gandhi. I want to tweak this so that its more than just a title, but also a synopsis, quote or tagline. As with all my posts, please feel free to add some in the comments section

Harry Potter and the Philosophers shirk

Harry, Ron and Hermione have to expose Nietzsche's shirk that God is dead.

Incepshirk

Shirk within a shirk

Shirk Forever After

Shrek has to fight Lord Furquaad who has proclaimed himself to be God

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans shirk

Tia Dalma brought Barbossa back from the dead

LOTR: The fellowship of the Shirk

Nine companions believe that they can destroy the ring without Gods help

To shirk with Love

Pupils raise the status of Mr Thackeray to levels that border on polytheism

Star Wars: Revenge of the Shirk

Palpatine claims to be the most powerful being in the galaxy

Jurassic Shirk

Dr Ian Malcolm : God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. man destroys God.

A few titles on their own

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Shirk
Chronicles of Narnia: The lion, the shirk and the wardrobe
Shirk white and the seven idols
Not another shirk movie
Shirk and the City

Feel free to add your own.

MJ

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

When Muslims take over Hollywood

My wife complains that I am only writing Muslim humour pieces so sweetheart, I promise this will be the last one I write for a while (the next one will be about advertising practises in South Africa)

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with Masood. Imagine if some wealthy Arabs bought the rights to some of the biggest movies, and wanted to islamicise them for local audiences.

May the fardh be with you - Hamid Solo (Empire strikes back)

You had me at Salaams - Dujana Boyd (Jerry Maguire)

I love the smell of Attar in the morning - Colonel Bilal Kilgore (Apocalypse Now)

Ijtihad, my dear Watson - Shakeel Holmes (Sherlock Holmes)

They can take our lives, but they'l never take our Izzat - Waleed Wallace (Braveheart)

This one time, at mias farm - mashooda flaherty (American Pie)

But why is all the zamzam gone? Captain Junaid sparrow (pirates of the caribbean)

What we give in sadaqatul jaaria echoes in eternity - Maqmoodimus (Gladiator)

Feel free to add more in the comments sections

MJ