Saturday, September 12, 2009

Concerning Taraweeh Characters

So here's something I notice during Taraweeh every year. You get all types of people reading it. I'd like to give them titles so here goes.

The Waterhole Warrior - These guys run to the taps or water cooler after every four rakaats. Water is healthy and im sure that theyre just doing it to rehydrate after a long day of fasting. But notice how long they linger around the water cooler. Reminds me of the Savannah really.

The Rukhu Ninja - This chap sits and waits until the imam goes into Rukhu. Then he jumps up and joins the jamaat, effectively cutting down his qiyaam in half.

The Correction Kaliph - This pretentious chap loves preying on Huffaaz who sometimes err. But its worse than that really - im not saying dont correct the guys. Please do. But sometimes these guys pause to catch their breath. Not that the Correction Kaliph cares about that. He just wants to show everyone how tight his Dhor is.

The High Speed Huffaaz - If I was a nerd i'd probably say something like 'Shuaib read like he had 4 gbs of ram in him'

The Witr Watcher - These are the kids who play 'catching game' during taraweeh but come running into the musjid for the last two rakaats and witr.

The Gum Squelcher - This is the guy who spends half his time trying to remove sesame seeds (from his haleem and naan binging at Iftar) from between his teeth. Almost like its a pasttime or something. Its very hard to concentrate when you have Captain Suction next to you.

The Chair Mafia - Ive got no problem with the guys who use chairs for a legitimate reason, but what I dont get is when I see healthy guys in their mid thirties who stand in their shop the whole day but will pull up a chair for taraweeh. Dont tell me they need the chair because theyve been working hard supervising their staff. These same guys play soccer at night out of Ramadan.

The Burp Ballies - ive discussed this one in detail here so no need repeating myself

The Mxit Master - This chap checks his phone every two rakaats. I'd understand if you were a doctor on call or something, but if youve got less facial hair than your Grandmother, chances are youre not saving anyones life tonight. Put the phone away.

The Snakes and Ladders Mussallee - This guy jumps around the safs. It could be because he is looking for a cooler spot, or because he is filling the gap. But mostly because he has ADD

Ive written about 27th Night Muslims here so I wont repeat it. Im just happy they make the effort, even if its for one night. Allahu Alam.

You guys can leave comments if I have left anyone out.

Heres my Taraweeh Theory -

The time taken to stand up for taraweeh is proportionate to the distance between you and the Imam.

MJ

7 comments:

Work in Progress said...

The ladies side of the masjid has a few other characters. I really enjoy the taraweeh but women who bring their kids to the mosque are ridiculous. It's a little hard to concentrate when you have some short people running in front of you screaming at the tp of their lungs or pulling on your scarf when you go into ruku/sajda. I'd hate to stand next to the gum squelcher.

Americanising Desi said...

i enjoy the taraweeh and except that i have my eyes closed while i pray i m indifferent to all those nail cleaning, filing, staring at other people and their dresses and so on so forth...
but my dad has tales from the men side.. which is always a wow !

The Organ Harvester said...

nicely done boyo. A good post as opposed to that drivel you've be upchucking these past few months. Maybe do this more often hey?

Assault Bunny said...

So accurate its scary

KiLLa said...

lol @ OH

Bibi-Aisha said...

I'm a snakes & ladders type. last night i changed saffs thrice-& thought of your post, as I was reading it when my friend came to fetch me for taraweeh.
But it's because I don't like being stuck next to heavy breathers, women who recite loudly, smell, large women, and my pet hate those who criticise others & pull & pinch to straighten saffs even when the saffs are straight, & everybody is standing shoulder to shoulder.

These women make it a habit to do so, breaking their own salaah to push & scream at others.

All the masajjid here are filled with kids & babies, & I don't mind it. Rarely do babies cry, & it's pleasant to hear children playing nicely.

Azra said...

Nice one yeah :) I don't mind the kids as long as they're not hooligans.