Thursday, October 02, 2008

Concerning Comedy

I tried my hand at Stand Up comedy once, and lets just say i didnt exactly get a standing ovation. A few polite chuckles and two coughs would be slightly closer to the truth. Slightly. I think I was awesome, but sadly... Way before my time (or at least thats what i'm going to lie and tell myself) I dont think I had the right audience though - I mean - Old Muslim aunties arent going to find stuff about Muslims on Facebook funny anyway - and I wasnt going to do an Afzal Khan so I kinda crashed. But it was fun (or at least thats what i'm going to lie and tell myself) and I think I will give it another shot in the near future.

We all have our own unique styles (unless we are filthy plagiarists) and I enjoy the peculiarities that each blogger has (I for one, use the words 'concerning', and 'hey' too often and anyone who reads my blog over an extended period knows that I detest the popcorn from Nu Metro Pavilion) Similarly, I enjoy the unique styles of various Comedians and this is what I want to explore in a few blogs. I'm going to try and imitate a few comedians delivery patterns and see how it goes. i'm thinking Mitch Hedberg and Chris Rock - so lets try doing a Mitch.

Firstly - I doubt many people have heard Mitchs material, which is a pity as the guy was a genius (He died of a drug overdose) He had a very unique way of delivering his jokes in that he always sounded nervous/high and awkward. He never did race jokes or stuff like that - he preferred One Liners, Non Sequitors and Random and arb comments. So imagine i'm doing this as a stand up piece, with the same stop start nature (insert Pauses here and there) that he has and lets see how it goes.


I like Taraweeh because its very similar to 20 20 cricket. Your huffaz are like your bowlers so you have your fast paced, medium paced and off twang for those who went to a Model C school. I think there should be a big counter in the front with a Countdown of sorts - Going from 20 to Zero. That will boost morale amongst the mussallees. Come on MJ, only six more rakaat to go. Wake up before the Rukhu. You can do it. Scoreboard of Hope.

I like drinking water between the rakaats. But we should put something in there to make it exciting. I can picture the slogan already. This taraweeh is brought to you by the Generous people from Oros. Thats how you keep people in the musjid.

I wanted a Miswak but I couldnt afford one. So I bought a toothpick.

A toothpick is a budget Miswak. So one Musalleeh sees me using my Toothpick and he gives me 15 rand and points me in the direction of IG Hoosen. to hell with it and go to Checkers and buy a Toothbrush. Oh Yeah.

Everybody likes to eat Bananas because they are slow burning foods. So next time I go on a one day Hike in the forest and someone says 'Hey MJ - wheres your picnic basket'? I'l just pull out a banana from my pocket. Saved by the superior Digestion of Potassium.

I dont understand why People eat All Bran for sehri. I thought you were supposed to keep the food in.

Sometimes before Esha, I like to put a bunch of Jelly tots in my mouth and get them to stick to my back teeth so I have something to do during Taraweeh.

I used to skip Tahajud. I still do. But I used to too

Some people dont watch TV in Ramadan. I dont shave. . Its easier.

My friends ugly sister asked me to make dua that she is protected from Nazr. It was very unnecessary.

Fajr is the most deceptive salaah of them all. You get sold on the marketing that its only four Rakaats... until you read it in Jamaat. I'm begging for Zuhr half way through Surah Yaaseen.



Anonymous said...

Absolutely brilliant MJ.

I nearly choked on my coffee and and sound like some one with tourettes at my desk with random spurts of laughter!

concerning stand up,I thought I knew what comedy is about, but every crowd has a different angle. You start with Random jokes until the one that hits the nail on the head and proceed down that route.

I have been doing alot of muslim functions, and for some reason, they don't find muslim jokes funny.
they re-inforce the fact that muslims have no funny bone.
( I think muslim guys have a funny bone, they just don't whip it out infront of kids. Kids think such things are scary)

They like my coloured and arb stuff, but hardly ever the muslim stuff.

My non-muslim crowds though, love the muslim jokes. Will eventually blog about it, when my line gets fixed.

Anonymous said...

From Aasia - another problem with my line which means I can't log into blog :(

Work in Progress said...

Happy belated birthday... Hope u had an awesome day and may the Almighty grant u many more filled with everything of the best.

Waseem said...

Awesome, my favorite was friends ugly sister :D

Another vintage MJ post

Shafinaaz Hassim said...


too many to mention! hmm.. aw.. nazr is extreme energy, so yea, i hope u prayed for her :P

pretty ugly, ugly pretty. wateva.

welcome back, pancake hero. i hpe the retreat was spiritually uplifting and a detox of life's mundane matters.

Khadija said...

lol.. these were really good! so can we expect an mj standup gig soon?

Happy belated birthday!

Khadija said...

lol.. these were really good! so can we expect an mj standup gig soon?

Happy belated birthday!

Anonymous said...

Not bad Laddie. Gotta have the right audience though.

KiLLa said...

Bril stuff.. Sista one was awesome..

Mitch hedburg was class..
I loved his one liners..

Zahera said...

LMAO at friends hug-leh sister! :-D aahh emmy ya too funny!
Great post, happy belated birthday (thought it was the 30th)! and good to have you back.

Unknown said...

I used to miss Mitch. I still do, but i used to too.

seriously, seriously good stuff mj. I definitely want to do a piece in the next MESSAGE.

M Junaid said...

thanks guys :D