Tweets from January and February 2014

In an effort to blog more, and recycle, here's some of my tweets from January and February of 2014. Let me know if you like any of them, mum. Also, let me know if you don't get any of the references.

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And I said 'what about Breakfast at Tiffany's?' She said 'I think that they're not Halaal.'

Happy feet is 'step-up' for penguins.

Do people in Klerksdorp and Piet Retief feel lied to when the narrator in the movie trailer says 'Coming soon to a theatre close to you'.

Yo momma's so fat her @JohnCena t-shirt says "You can't see anything else".

You know that Mecca has become too commercialised the day they start marketing it as 'bottomless zamzam'

My timeline brings all the bots to the yard.

Proclaimers '500 miles' is like a Jamaat anthem.

'Vorsprung durch Tabligh!' When Jamaat brothers appropriate brand slogans.

Do people who shop at 'plastic land' have a bucket list?

What's up with muslim kids styling their hair like Guile from Street Fighter!

Chana magaj is the Timothy Dalton of sweetmeats.

"She wants the deen" new age imam trying to connect with a younger crowd.

One thing about Hitler though - dude appears in a lot of moustache infographics.

If you went to a bird park and all you saw were hadedas.... You lost!

Indians will store atchar in milk bottles if the mouth was big enough.

Witch-hunts were usually a crowd-sourced affair.

Lion King is basically about the rise and fall of hyenas during the Scar administration.

I'd be pissed if I was illiterate and someone handed me a fortune cookie.

The person who made up the ' We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police' joke probably never ordered Caminettos.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will add that shit to his linkedin profile.

Here's a tip. Check which version of the Bang Bang Club you hired before watching it with your in-laws

Treat your wife to a romantic dinner this valentine's. At your mother's house.

If you're buying valentine's day gifts from toys r us...#sheistooyoungforyoubro

Nothing says friendzoned like an e-mail that starts with 'Slmz brother in Islam'.

Colour-blind people should not work in bomb disposal.

Don't count your chickens before they are certified.

Samoosa runs are very different to chicken tikka runs.

"PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS! Itty-bitty living space!" All townhouses in Fourways.

Deenyat kitabs are the only non-medical books in the world that refer to farting as 'passing wind'.

Shouldn't it have been called 'murder she typed' ?

I have a dream, that one day, the guys at TRO will be exposed to a better range of chewing gum.

'What I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career' - Liam Neeson's Linkedin Profile.

5 reasons why brands should follow back on twitter

I did my first social media course in 2009. I can't remember the name of the instructor in the videos, suffice to say, social media marketing was still relatively new and was being heralded as a panacea for brands. I've always been sceptical about drinking the kool-aid (whether I was working as a strategist at a boutique (read: small) agency or as a copywriter at a local community radio station) so I approached this new form of marketing with the same pragmatism I'd use with someone trying to sell me TopTV.

 The reason for this context is because something stood out for me all those years ago; something I find some social media gurus (or other bullshit titles we give each other) still hold onto today – applying an arbitrary ratio to Twitter’s follow-follower number set. The instructor said that brands should only follow 1 account for every 5 accounts that follow them. I don’t agree with this general rule, and while brands need to be evaluated on a case by case merit, here are 5 reasons why brands should follow back or follow first.

1)  It enhances brand loyalty.

I am less likely to unfollow a brand if that brand follows me. Perhaps its guilt or optimism (that the content will become less spammy/shitty/irrelevant) but I’ve hesitated to unfollow at times because I appreciated the fact that the brand was following me. I am also more likely to engage with a brand that follows me, or ramp up my replies to a brand that I want to ‘notice’ me and follow back.

2) It opens up Direct Messages as a viable communication channel.

Perhaps it is because I’m in the industry and empathise with other social media people that I prefer to complain to a brand via DM, especially if the complaint is of a sensitive nature. When brands follow back, I can use this channel.

 3)  It assists search. 

Brands that follow back come up faster in searches, and appear in ‘followers you know’ and ‘who to follow’ lists when you are scouting out a third party’s profile. Visibility is quite important as social is often premised on relevance. Does help with affinity as well (especially when it comes to brand positioning) 

4    4)  It gives the brand access to their followers thoughts.

By following someone, you are opting-in to receive their thoughts, peeves and opinions (even if it is what people project themselves to be). Yes, you don’t have to follow someone to read their thoughts (provided their account is public) but that is laborious. Social’s differentiator is that it is two-way communication so why treat it as just a broadcast channel? If the brand’s sum total of its twitter engagement was only based on responding to people who @mentioned the brand first, then they are still stuck in the basics of social media.

5)  It imbues status. As sceptical as I tell people I am (in blogposts that are longer than they should be), I get chuffed when my role models follow me back. I remember when Riaad Moosa followed me back, I was like ‘now I can tick that off a very sad bucket list’. Following back is a great way to reward brand advocates. I work on some cool brands, and I sometimes forget that while I may be a little jaded, it may mean a ton to others when a brand follows them back. Now if only Hashim Amla and Rockstar Games wouldn’t be so coy and follow me back too!

I’m always keen to chat about social media and my experiences (all of my failures) over the years, so hit me up on the Twitter! and let me know what you think about this piece. 

MJ