Thursday, May 29, 2008

Concerning Iqbal

I was researching the Vernon Koekemoer phenomenon last night, and I realised that it will be cool if we had our own Muslim Chuck Norris. So I created a character named Uncle Iqbal and modelled him initially around Leon Schusters 'Abdullah Rasbanja' from the Oh Schucks series. I played around with this idea last year when I took the piss out off myself with the MJ Facts, but for Uncle Iqbal I want it to be Muslim related stuff. I posted a few on my chatbox, and Legend, Great one and Archtype contributed so I decided to blog it here.
Now - Most importantly - If you are going to come up with an Uncle Iqbal joke, make sure that it is not blasphemous. So dont say stuff like Iqbal reads eight rakaats fardh in fajr or Iqbal is the Mehdi or anything like that. And dont make it offensive to other religions
Heres a few of the best
1. Iqbal appeared on Channel Islam once. Worldspace sales went up by six hundred percent that week
2. Iqbal wasnt involved in 9/11 because Iqbal never crashes
3. Iqbal occupies Israel!
4. Iqbals mum invented the samoosa when she taught Iqbal geometry
5. Iqbal translated once in an Ijtima.. As a result Pakistan became 100% Muslim state
6. After he met Iqbal the emperor was only known as Akbar
7. The tunes from Iqbals naaths are converted into Bollywood tracks
8. Iqbal squared Zam..
9. Iqbal pelts all 3 shaytaans with one stone at hajj
10. Iqbal was denied Visa for entering America, even though he was only travelling to Laudium
11. Iqbal beat up Chuck Norris because his beard wasnt Fist Length
12. Eid is not celebrated unless Iqbal has seen the moon
13. All of Zain Bhikhas songs are written by Iqbal. In his sleep
14. Iqbal only stands for salaatus salaam when he is in the mood, but when he does, you better get your ass up!
15. Iqbal has used the same miswaak since 1964. Incidentally, his teeth are always white even after he eats paan
16. Umshini wam was actually first sung for Iqbal when he singlehandedly defeated the soviets in Afghanistan
17. Iqbal is so rich, he gives Bill Gates Zakaat
18. Iqbal figured out the Da Vinci code by just looking at the cover. He still thinks that Dan Brown is a Jaahil
19. Iqbal ate two baddam - now he remembers everything from birth
20. Iqbal doesnt need a mussallah compass - he always knows which direction to face qiblah
21. Iqbal can eat fish curry for iftaar and still not smell funny during taraweeh
22. Iqbal doesnt drink Sarbat. Milk is immediately sweetened upon touching his lips
23. Jummah had to be moved to Ellis Park stadium because Iqbal was giving the Khutba
24. Iqbal gave Isha azaan once.. The Aussies woke up for fajr
25. Iqbal went to madrassah once.. It got turned into a Darul Uloom
26. People started giving out Jalebi at Khatams because Iqbal has a sweet tooth
27. Gandhi adopted Satyagraha cos he didnt want to fight with Iqbal
28. Iqbal slaughters a bull for Qurbani ... himself
29. Iqbal has met joebanker from mxit in person...and organised sharia compliant finance for him.
30. The smileys on Iqbals mxit wear parda.
31. The other I in CII is for Iqbal
32. People give Kruger coins for Mehr. Iqbal gives Kruger Notes
33. Sanha certifies robertson spices. Iqbal certifies Sanha!
34. Iqbal is a messy eater. Last time he ran his fingers though his beard gift of the givers had enough rice for the burmese people
35. Iqbal gets haj visa. Every year
36. Iqbal AUTHORISES hajj visas
37. Iqbal sweats rosewater
38. Iqbal taught Maths to the Arabs
39. Iqbals wife gave mehr for him
40. Mathew Webb was the first man to swim across the English channel. Iqbal was the first man to spit paan across it.
MJ

1 comment:

Prawn Cocktail said...

I undermined ur talent.
Well done son.