Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Concerning Sequels

I was going to name this blog '10 awesome sequels besides Godfather 2' but I feel like the 'concerning' thing is my thing. 

So - here are a few rules.
The movie has to be a sequel and not a reboot. It can however be a sequel to a reboot. 
I must have watched the preceding movie in order to judge fairly (this one seems obvious)
The list is in no particular order thereby alleviating the pressure of actually having to choose a winner.
It has to be the second in a series. I know this excludes movies that kicked ass in the third act (No Matrix, sit down, your third act sucked!) but its more fun to think about the second as opposed to the third, or fourth or seventh if you're into Police Academy. Or Saw.

10. X 2
The original X-Men was pretty cool, except for Storm's dealbreaking line when she electrocutes Toad. But X-2 has this great Mutant agenda issue that I really liked. Nightcrawler was pretty awesome. So was Mystique. Mystique rocks.

9.   The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Extended edition)
Most of you will know that this is my favourite movie of all time (even though if I had it my way the entire trilogy would be one long ass comrades marathon of a movie.) I love the sense of despair. There is a scene where Wormtongue sees the Uruk army and is filled with overwhelming fear. Nom. The scene where Aragorn falls to his knees. More nom. His will was resolute but his legs were like 'to hell with this'.

8. Big Momma's House 2
Yep. You read right. This movie was vastly superior to the original and reminded me of a time before Madea came along and ruined it for black guys in fat suits everywhere.

7.   The Dark Knight
God I love this movie. Well, everything except Maggie Gylenhaal. But then she died and all was right in the world. Here is my parody of the Dark Knight

6. Blade 2
Blade is iconic. Blade is trendsetting. Blade is a boys night in movie. Blade 2 is action action action. Even the word processor agrees with me as there are no red squiggly lines underneath the repeated words. 

5. Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom
Chilled Monkey Brains. The more I think of it, the more I can't really remember the first flick except for the scene where the guy does the elaborate sword display and Indy shoots him. But chilled monkey brains is where its at.

4. 28 Weeks Later
This was the first movie that I saw with Waseem D so it has that warm fuzzy feel to it. Adding to the warmth are Zola Bud Zombies who run around like Chatsworth kids on Sugars. 

3. Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
I didn't like the first Narnia movie. I don't know why. I wasn't into the Ice Queen. Maybe because I have always imagined Kate Blanchet in that role (retrospectively I mean, I never read the books) Maybe if I have some time I'll go back and check the spelling of Blanchets name - I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you.

2. Addams Family Values
This is tough - I loved the first but this one seemed darker and just more fun. The Bambi scene - good stuff.

1. Saw 2
There are more Saws in the world than there are ice cream flavours at Mozart. Saw 2 remains my favourite because everything was contained. This was not a bunch of random folk who were getting their comeuppance for not paying their TV licence or opening the door for a Cancer patient or whatever ridiculous justification the Bald dude needed to torture them while touching himself. I like how they had to work with and against each other. And lets not forget the needle scene. You can't do that shit in SA - You will get AIDS and die!

So yeah movie buffs - by all means correct me, endorse me or just add some that I might have overlooked (because I thought they were crap


List of memorable sequels that I am just listing for Waseem
Godfather 2
Jackass 2
Final Destination 2
Grudge 2
Terminator 2
The Hills have eyes 2
Ice Age: The Meltdown
Mission Impossible 2
Spiderman 2
Underworld 2

Monday, June 11, 2012

When Muslims take over TV

I can't believe that its been a year since I wrote my When Muslims invade Hollywood blog.  Time for a quick follow up.

There seems to be a lot of money being thrown into various sectors by rich oil Sheiks (The English Premier League remains a good example) so what if a bunch of rich Jamaat brothers decided to take over TV. I can imagine a few of the shows would look like this

Johnny Barelvi
 This show will follow the exploits of Johnny B, a naath loving, kheer drinking muscular guy whose catch phrase 'Oh MAZAR' should be familiar to any salaami standing audience.

The J Team
 This show will be about four brothers who go forth in the path of Allah, travelling from town to town in their Black and Red Corolla correcting people's deen and bringing them closer to Allah. The teams muscle, BA Barakah will be responsible for much of the laughs including his catch phrase, "I aint eatin no jalebi"

The T Word
We can take their horrible 'L word' show and make a soap opera out of it - T standing for Talaq.

Band of Brothers
This mini series captures the angst, drama and triumph as a small jamaat make their way up to Laudium for the Annual Easter Istima.

Modern Family
No, there are gays. cancelled!

How I met your mother
This one day, at Halqa...

American Idol
Shirk. cancelled!

The Oprah Winfrey Show
Women! Cance...hmm ok, we will keep the show if she promotes Fazaail Amaal as book of the month. Every month.

Jozi Shura
This weekly magazine show will weigh in on all the important matters that we contemplate on daily, like 'How big is fist length' and 'detailed miswak techniques'

Men Performing Bid'ah
This will be a take on the popular British series, 'Men behaving badly' and will zone in on many erroneous practices that have crept in over the years. Guaranteed to be a barrel of laughs.

Chime in with your own suggestions :)

(This isnt an attack on any subcontinental school of thought. I dig all the respective  walking and all the standing you guys do).