Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Concerning Greatness JHB Tour

You might have heard of them

You might have read their blogs

You might have even seen a comment on your blog


This is the serious part - you are cordially invited - I dont really know what cordially means but I know that Cordial is like a juice or something, anyway, you are invited to join MJ and Waseem, or Waseem and MJ for supper when we have our Awesome JHB Eating tour aka Easter holiday weekend thing.


Where is this concentration of awesomeness taking place?

Rosebank Spur. After Maghrib on Saturday (3rd April 2010). So thats like 6:34 PM or 6:30 PM if you skip Nafl like MJ

How do I get there?

Do I look like i'm from JHB? MJ suggests you google map or garmin or ask Nafisa

I am a vegetarian, why did you choose Spur?

Have ice cream

Will I be able to touch Waseem?

Waseem has requested that he eat in peace, however, you can touch him before or after meals) but please do not come between a waseem and his Malva

Are you guys like the most awesome bloggers in Durban?

We are in the top 25000 definitely

I live in Cape Town/ east London/ Butfuknowhere.. why have you invited me for a JHB blog meet?

Because you are part of our incestuous group and would like include you in the hopes that you pitch up

Aww, thats sweet. i will be there in Spirit. Is that ok?

Thats all well and good, but doesnt help with logistics - aka booking - so if you are confirming, leave a wall post saying that you are coming.

Is this something like King of the Plate?

Well, Spur with waseem and Mj can give you that impression. But without Hamish it cannot be King of the Plate - because there will be no loser then.

Does this mean I have to wear a suit?

No no no - please dress in whatever makes you feel comfortable, yes Killa - this ones for you

Why am I still reading this dumb FAQ?

Do I look like Prof X to you? I dont know why.

Whose paying for all this?

Pay your own bill - this isnt a walima.

If you have any more questions you can post it on the fb group wall or on my formspring. I'm kidding - the wall works just fine


p.s Happy Birthday Chica. Hope it was awesome :)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Why some people should not watch The Arrivals

The Arrivals is the big new Youtube series that everyone is so keen about. I watched the series last year and I wanted to articulate a response to the series. This, however is not it. This is for all those who take everything that the Arrivals says as the Gospel and start looking for signs that are not there. Here are a few examples.

All Famous female Celebrities wear Red at awards shows to symbolise that they are part of the Freemasons

Arrivals Geek: OMW! Ash is a freemason. Thats why she married Mr Bachchan. They want to take over the world with an army of one billion Indians!

MJ : No dude. Shes just some chick who likes the colour Red. You know what else it symbolises right? Passion, Love? You are going to tell me the person who got a bit role in Pink Panther 2 is going to take over the world? You'd have more luck convincing me that two lab mice are plotting to do that.

The Chequered Floor represents Freemasonry

Arrivals Geek: Oh Gawd! Chequered floor. Told you that Rowling was a freemason!

MJ : No idiot. They are standing on a giant chess board.

Unexplainable Fog covers cities that are friendly to the Freemasons

Arrivals Geek : Notice the constant fog in this videogame. Basically its all about Freemasons and how their evil chi is blanketing the land

MJ : No you retard. The fog is because of the graphical limitations of the Nintendo 64

A secret group of Lizards called the 'Babylonian Brotherhood' created and controls everything in the world
Arrivals Geek :This is exactly what David Icke was talking about when he spoke about a race of lizardmen who control the world

MJ : Actually this is just a shot from Conan the Adventurer, a popular childrens cartoon from 1992, but then again, you are like what, 14? How would you remember shit like this when your head is filled with all this conspiracy nonsense. BTW - Icke is an idiot


Monday, March 15, 2010

Theory of Funny Gaming Moments

I really enjoy my gaming. I would choose gaming over most things really. If you are passionate about a specific medium, some moments will stand out more than others. You know those moments when you just put the controller down and say 'wow'. I also like the moments that make me laugh audibly (I didnt want to say lol for some reason) I hardly give a hearty chuckle so when a game makes me laugh - I remember it!

My title is a homage to this bitch. Happy birthday Buddy - Hope you get some head, or some chicken wings.

So - These are twenty of my most memorable or funny gaming moments (not in order). I'm typing this as I wait for Corpsekicker to wake up so I might omit some. But I will keep adding to the comments section as I remember. Feel free to add as well - (Yes Waseem, you can add your final fantasy nonsense ;)

1. Def Jam: Fight for New York - I maintain that this is the best intro ive ever seen for a videogame and no game has ever pumped me up like this

2. Metal gear Solid 3 - when Ocelot reveals that he was Adam in the credits. Blew my mind.

3. I completed Uncharted 2 this week. One of the best games ive ever played. Two moments stand out amongst the countless gems - The first one is the scene in Nepal where you are trying to outrun a Truck. Its the first time I saw the game, and I knew I had to buy it immediately. The dialogue in the game is the best ive ever heard in a videogame, and there is a scene in the end where Drake says to Flynn, "Hey you, asswipe, give me a lighter" . Its just hilarious and I still laugh now when I think about it. Ten minutes later you are exploring a catacomb with him and see this hideous skull sculpture and you say "Hey look, a statue of your mom".

4. Rainbow Six Vegas. I was playing coop mode with Yusuf Moolla and we enter a room with three bad guys. We shoot the first one which alerts the other two and they take cover and start blind firing at us. Then one guy tells the other guy 'cover me', and that guy says 'fuck you, cover me'. Loved that moment :)

5. Singstar vol 2: Another memory with Yusuf Moolla. The first time we tried singing the Paul McCartney and Frog song as a duet. Bum Bum Bum Baa-iyaa

6. GTA Vice City - The first time you hijack a bike and Billie Jean starts playing. Win!

7. Bioshock - When you are told that you have been conditioned to obey everytime you hear the phrase 'would you kindly'. Woah. Also - The opening scene - when you swim up to the surface and everything around you is in flames and youre not sure if you are in control because it all looks too beautiful to be in game.

8. Assassins Creed - The first time you climb The Dome of The Rock only to see Islamic calligraphy around the Dome. Loved it

9. Assassins Creed 2 - When your uncles greets you with the unmistakable 'Its a Me a Mario'

10. Pro Evolution Soccer 10 - The first time you score with a bicycle Kick followed by lots of jumping and gratuitous crotch grabbing

11. Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 - Inputting a code so that you can play Pong with a mate.

12. The Suffering - I think this was the scariest opening ive ever played.

13. Modern Warfare - The first stage in the middle East - When you storm the tv Station (including the scene before this when they kill the President)

14. Onimusha 3 - Opening scene - Monsters attack France. Awesome.

15. Bards Tale - Hilarious dialogue that makes fun of all these dumb RPG's that are out there.

16. Legend Of Zelda Ocarina of Time - I'd like to say everything about this game is awesome, but if I had to choose one it would be when you leave the Chamber of Time and everything around you is destroyed.

17. GTA 4 - The TV stations were hilarious. My favourite programmes were 'A history of Liberty City and Republican Space Rangers. Loved them.

18. NHL Blitz: Youre getting ready to cream some Random American team in Ice Hockey. You still have no idea why there are so many penalties, and all of a sudden you hear a remixed version of Zombie Nation blasting out of the speakers complete with the entire crowd doing the chorus. Pure awesome.

19. Prince of Persia 3. You finish the game, kill the last boss and you are still haunted by your evil alter ego, so you end up fighting him and nothing really happens. And after a few minutes you realise that the only way you can kill him is by walking away. Loved it.

20. Ratchet and Clank 2 - When they test the crotchitizer out of Captain Quark

So thats my twenty. If I think of more i'l pop them in the comments section. Let me know which are your favourite moments.


Friday, March 12, 2010

The MJ Show - Hoaxes in the Muslim Community

Had a lot of fun doing this show. I mentioned the Mxit hoax but didnt get a chance to elaborate on it. Here is my initial blog on it. You might be wondering why I mention that i'm on trial. Its because I havent been giving a full time slot like last time. I dont blame them - I do talk about stuff that might seem controversial in nature - I dont mean to be controversial, it just so happens that I work for a conservative radio station. I'm lucky though - I do get away with quite a bit :)

If you have come across any more hoaxes, please let me know in the comments section and we can discuss it :)

Like all my podcasts, you can download it if you want to listen to it at your own leisure - ive compressed it so its pretty small. Here is the link. For everyone else, especially Corpsekicker, here is the podcast. Enjoy :)


Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Spotlight with Fatima Asmal - Muslim Youth Podcast

Discussion on Problems facing Muslim Youth hosted by Fatima Asmal. Guests include the awesome MJ Khan, Edriss Khamissa, Zain Bhikha, Baba Ali, Moulana Kamdar, Saberah Gumede, Zainab Abdul Hamid and Hasina Gori.

It can be downloaded from this link

Here is the podcast