Monday, December 29, 2008

Concerning Singstar

A few weeks ago I bought Singstar for the PS2. Ive always been fascinated with Sonys ability to bring gaming into the mainstream (something that Nintendo has just perfected with its wii)

One thing that I can say with all certainty - I truly suck at singing :D

For those who havent heard of Singstar - Basically its like a Karaoke game, and it comes with two microphones which you connect to your console. The aim of the game is to mimic the songs that are being played and you are scored according to pitch, tempo and how many of the neighbourhood dogs are still alive.

Its a great concept and once you get over the initial anxiety of singing in public (or even singing alone in you room) Its great fun and makes for an excellent party game. I kinda went a little singstar crazy and bought a whole lot of them (They are divided into genres) At the moment I'm sitting with six of them, which basically means I suck six times more than I would if I just had one. Heres a list of songs that are on each one

Its weird though, because out of the combined 180 songs spread across six genres, Theres only two songs that I sing really well - Complicated by Avril Lavigne and father and Son by Ronan Keating feat Yusuf Islam. its a huge conspiracy though - because I sang TalaAl Badru alaina instead of Yusuf Islams bit and I got full points. One for the conspiracy hounds I guess. I recorded a few videos of Waseem singing Kylies in Your Eyes. Should get a good few hits on Youtube, but I know that if I put it up he'l record me singing Superstar by jamelia and send that shit to ETV with some almost news story attached to it. (Long Haired Retarded Boy finds joy in Playstation)

Ive been trying to get the Singstar Bollywood ever since I got the microphones. So if anyone has it or knows where I can get it from. Please let me know. Otherwise I'l be forced to break into Charmed's mother in laws house and steal her copy.

I wish I could create my own Singstar though (Singstar Nasheeds will Rock) Thing is - most of the tracks I want are already spread across the 70 or so Singstar Titles out there so I wont repeat any of those tracks (otherwise Zombie by the Cranberries would be right up there) heres twelve tracks I would love to have on Singstar

    1. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
    2. UB40 - Kingston Town
    3. Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
    4. Tenacious D - BeezleBoss
    5. Skunk Anansie - Carmen Queezy
    6. Tracy Chapman - Fast car
    7. Eagle eye Cherry - Save Tonight
    8. BYP - Where is The love?
    9. iio - At The End
    10. Three Doors Down - Let You Go
    11. Linkin Park - In The End
    12. Staind - Its been Awhile


Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Sequel to Daughters Are Diamonds

A Note from the Publisher

'Sons Are Shits' is a groundbreaking treatise on the tribulations that mothers of Indian extract face on a daily basis. it is a follow up to the critically acclaimed Daughters Are Diamonds.

As a study, it sets out to define these questions: How are the Head-aches, challenges and obstacles facing South African Indian Mothers within the family, perceived and experienced by the individual? To what extent, if at all, does traditionalist culture create/influence raising lazy delinquents?

The journey has been one from research manuscript to published work with little encouragement and no interest from all across the world. Amid zero ambiance, "Sons Are Shits" was launched on Christmas 2008 at various Nandos around South Africa including the branches at Overport and Springfield. Articles have been scarce and debates nonexistent. More than two thousand books have been distributed (for free) since it first came off the press. We are optimistic.


Monday, December 22, 2008

The Rainbow Has No Infidel

In the spirit of all things Hamish, here is a draft letter I hope to send to CUM Books (South Africas leading Christian Bookstore). Religion will always be big money and while I havent read Hamishs book yet, i'm pretty sure if I apply the Eric Cartman business model of marketing towards religious groups (South park. Episode 709 Christian Rock Hard) - we can take down that bloody Steve Hofmeyer. The problem with these guys is that if you want to sell them something you have to be rather long winded about it (If youve ever encountered a bible salesman you'l know what im talking about)


Dear Kobus Johnsen

Firstly, All praise to the Lord of the worlds and the choicest blessings on his messengers and those who strive in his path.

I trust in the Lord Almighty that he has blessed your family with peace in these troubled times. These times when religion is shunned for decadent hedonistic exploits. These are troubled times we live in my brother. You had a vision 15 years ago. A vision to open a CUM in every shopping mall in South Africa. Praise the Lord for blessing us with 40 Stores situated in convenient locations nationwide, hallelujah.

We were with you in Westgate, when you snipped the ribbon of prejudice and opened the first CUM store. We were with you in Westville when you spread the word of Christ next to the Verimark store. Our prayers were with you in Vanderbijlpark (Petrol price was high so we couldn't be there)

Today I would like to share our vision with you my brother. A vision that includes all South Africans, all of Gods children. The vision of love and happiness. To achieve this vision, nay, this conviction that we fulfill our vicegerancy as Gods chosen ones, it is imperative that we educate our flock.

For this reason and this reason alone (I shudder to think of men who profit off religion) I am offering you Kobus my brother, a chance to stock the greatest piece of fiction ever written (Before you hesitate, know that Gods word could never be fiction)

Not even offering. Just like how you shared your vision with us those 15 years ago, we will share this vision with you.

For too long we have languished as Dan Brown poisoned us with doubts and J.K Rowling enslaved us with pagan beliefs. As our Christian President in America says 'The Time for Change is Now'. That change my brother is the award winning novel, 'The Rainbow has No Pink' by Hamish Hoosen Pillay.

You might ask, 'how can a book change the world'? Well my brother, I have a 2000 year old answer to that one.

The novel is about oppression and persecution. Two themes that are interwoven in Christianity (I can still hear the Lions roaring in the coliseum). The novel follows Ayesha Mansoor (A very Christian name in the Balkans I am told) as she uncovers transgressions in Pagan apartheid South Africa. This was her cross to bear.

I would like nothing more than to elaborate on this beautiful piece, but much like the Bible. It is a very intimate read and is one for self discovery. We are asking you to allow South Africans to discover themselves, and they can only do this by reading our book... and by the will of God of course.

Brother Kobus - like the three wise men, we have CUM (see what I did there) bearing gifts. God has spoken on the matter (If he didnt want, the book would have never been written and it is blasphemy to question this logic) Now it is your turn to give an answer. Will you go against God?

God has spoken to us and has shown us your informed decision. As such we have already shipped a thousand copies to each of your 40 branches.

May every Mall and Centre in South Africa be filled with your CUM. Amen

Humbly Yours

M Judas Khan De Clerk

Monday, December 15, 2008

Concerning Infidelity

How do you know if your wife is cheating on you?

You come home and the toilet seat is up.

How do you know if your wife is cheating on you with a Muslim?

You come home and there is a bottle of water next to the toilet.

How do you know if your wife is cheating on you with Narend Singh?

She says shes going out shopping and returns two minutes later

How do you know your wife is cheating on you with The Pope?

The Catholic Church relaxes its Laws on Abortion.

How do you know if your wife is cheating on you with a Barelwi?

She starts smelling like Rose water.

How do you know if your wife is cheating on you with Gandhi?

She starts complaining about the price of Salt

How do you know if your wife is cheating on you with the Milkman?

You notice BadamDood and Sarbat every night with your supper.

How do you know you wife is cheating on you with some kid on mxit?

When you ask her for sex she says lol. brb and then turns over and sleeps. When you ask her what happened in the morning, she shrugs and says DC.

How do you know your wife is cheating on you with an Xbox addict?

When the sex is good she gives you 20 achievement points.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Concerning Pop Culture

Ive always been fascinated by popular culture.

I'm lucky because as a media student I'm encouraged to study consumer behaviour and trends(the exciting bits anyway - I'l leave the psych stuff to Nojkins and Sue. Remember how everyone started saying savvy after watching Pirates of the Caribbean - kinda like that). Even better, I found that interspersing my lectures with anecdotes from Popular Culture have helped my students grasp theories much more easily. (You have to give people something they identify with)

So if I were to teach the Propaganda model that was put forth by Chomsky, I'd use the resignation of Carlos Alberta Parreira or the death of Soap Star Ashley Callie as examples. (I'l paste my first year course outline in the comments section if anyone is keen to see how I systematically brainwash people)

So, coming back to pop culture - Id like to propose a few additions that I came up with on the way home today.

NOS-talgia (Fast and the Furious)
A sentimental yearning for remembering life... a quarter mile at a time.

Chronicles of Dhania
Going to a girls house to give a proposal but only remembering the abundance of coriander in the samoosas.

Lighting a Babylon Candle (Stardust)
Ingesting LSD or a similar Hallucinogen while thinking of a place you'd like to travel to.

Doing a Chuck and Larry (I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry)
Having an ulterior motive for doing something.

Biting an Onion (Shrek)
Going through a complicated time in your life

I'l think of a few more tomorrow and I'l add them


Monday, December 08, 2008

Concerning Bollywood (4)

Eid Mubaruk to all my Dear Friends.

I whipped up a quick Eid Themed Bollywood video but its acting up a bit so Ive moved it here.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Concerning MJ (The Other One)

The biggest headline in the Muslim world two weeks ago was Michael Jacksons apparent conversion to Islam (This week its the decan Mujahideen)

Now I say apparent conversion to Islam because for some reason I am not convinced just yet. I've spent about seven hours reading up on this and all of it can be traced back to one source - The Sun, which is the UK's biggest tabloid (heres the article that started everything). Think of the Sun as being kinda like the Sunday Times back page/ Heat Magazine/ People magazine and a Soccer magazine all rolled into one - with the one exception - The Sun has Page 3 Girls (topless models)

So right off the bat - I'm doubtful due to the sensationalist nature of the publication. (The message is only as good as the Messenger)

Also - I checked out CNN, Al Jazeera, Wikipedia, M and G etc and I couldnt find anything about the conversion. You might say - "well MJ, is it newsworthy enough for CNN to cover it". Michael Jackson is one of the most recognisable people in the history of the world. I reckon that if you put Michael, Gandhi, Ronaldinho, JFK, Kylie Minogue and Idi Amin in a police Line up - More people would know who MJ was.

Ive been searching for days trying to find any photographic evidence of the 'Shahadah ceremony'. not a scrap. If one had to read the article it really seems plausible. Dawud Wharnsby was said to have been the inspiration as well as the Da'ee responsible for guiding Michael towards Islam. But heres something I found out - Dawud was in Bradford England on the 21 of November (the day of the shahada). Also - Look at how they spelt Yusuf Islam - (Spelt Yousef) I'm not one for conspiracy theories but if you heard the interview that Yusud Islam did with Larry King in 2004 (Heres a transcript) You'l see that Islam thought that he was deported because homeland security confused him with 'Youssef Islam' who is on the FBI watch List. This story was huge in Britain and the Sun was sued for libel by Yusuf Islam at the time because they supported the deportation stating that he had links to terrorist groups. Yusuf Islam won the case and The Sun lost alot of money in an out of court settlement. Perhaps this is part of a periphery regurgitation of sorts. Hmm

But coming back to the main story - Is Michael Jackson a Muslim - I dont know. Right now im sceptical however I stand to be corrected. A dear friend told me that Michael Jacksons conversion does not change Islam for them. I'm of the same opinion.Michael Jackson being Muslim is not going to exempt us from reckoning. Neither is him not being Muslim going to exempt us either.

If he is Muslim - awesome. If he isnt - well, theres no compulsion in religion. We make dua that he gets Hidayat but at the end of the day it is Allahs will. I just hope our local Muslim print media wait until we have some concrete proof before they blast this as next months headline. Ummah newspaper - i'm talking to you - dont have to remind you guys about the Will Smith incident do I?

The funniest thing about this whole story is that people are posting youtube videos of Michael singing Nasheeds... and guess what - Its all Zain Bhikhas stuff :D


Big shout out to R (of Rhymes with Silver fame) for throwing a wonderful 21st Birthday Bash at Plaka (this greek restaurant) today. It was a bit delayed (she turned 21 two months ago) but it was awesome to see some good friends after a very long time.