Welcome back to Concerning News Network with your host, MJ Khan. As we reflect on the bloodshed and destruction that has engulfed the world in the past two weeks, tonight we uncover the events leading up to what has tragically been referred to as the 'Coke Jihad'. We now cross over live to our field reporter, 'has-been' Bollywood star Kareena Kapoor who is one of the few survivors of the land which used to be known as India until last Wednesday.
MJ: Kareena, a population of over a billion people have been wiped out by the nuclear blast over Delhi last week, how many survivors are there?
Kareena: MJ, the scenes here are harrowing, I am currently standing next to the Ganges river in a land which was called Varanasi, and while the river is still as polluted as it was last month, there are now high levels of radioactive waste mixing with the ashes and raw sewage. This scene reminds me of my poor Shaheer. India will never bear another son like him.
MJ: Kareena, How did this war start?
Kareena: The war started a month ago when some individuals from a Danish terrorist group called Citizens opposed Killing Economies sent a hoax e-mail out in protest of the economic boycotts that some Muslim countries have placed on Danish products following the 'prophet Muhammed cartoon saga' in September 2005. The e-mail included a fake Coca Cola print advertisement which incensed the 1.6 billion Muslim population. This led to the burning of embassies, as well as wide scale riots in Mombasa, London, Chechnya and Houston Texas. A critical point in the saga was Monday when well known actress and humanitarian Angelina Jolie was assassinated during an AIDS awareness concert in India. This led to nuclear retaliation by America.
MJ: Can you describe the hoax advert to the viewers. Is this the first time that Coke was used to incite a particular religious or ethnic group?
Kareena: No Mj, this is not the first time that Coca-Cola was used in a malicious campaign. However, this is the first time that is was the cause of such tragedy - how i miss my little Sha-hee. The mock up print advert that was circulated had a page of the Quran on it (the quran is the Muslims holy scripture) but a sentence was modified and instead of it saying 'Kuloo nafsi Thaaikatul Maut' (Every soul shall have a taste of death), it read Kiloo Nafsi thaaikatul Coke (Every soul shall have a taste of coke)
MJ: We at Concerning News Network refuse to screen the offensive advert, as we value our muslim viewers (and our t.v studios) however, due to our vigorous defense of freedom of expression we will show the last hoax e-mail
MJ 'Claims' Khan
N.B WHILE THIS IS A WORK OF PARODY, I WISH THAT THE IMPLICATIONS ARE NOT LOST. WHILE I HAVE MADE UP THE FICTITIOUS 'EVERY SOUL' CAMPAIGN, THERE ARE MANY E-MAILS THAT ARE BEING CIRCULATED AND PEOPLE ARE FALLING FOR THEM. PLEASE VERIFY YOUR MAIL. FOR MORE ON THE 'COKE OF THE ROCK CAMPAIGN, CLICK HERE AND HERE