Sunday, May 04, 2014

MJ Tweet collection 2011

Over the next few days I will be posting some of my  tweets over the past few years so that I have a repository for my stand-up comedy. Here is 2011s lot: 
I think Noah is the ultimate wildlife conservationist

I want to meet the guy from sanha who convinced nestle to get their water certified

Counting sheep is always easier around eid ul adha

Dyquik is a horrible name for a cough syrup

Bananas in pyjamas - sounds like a suhoor programme to me

If I was illiterate and someone gave me a fortune cookie I'd be pissed

Every date with a purdah chick is a blind date

I don't know how many people are really born again and how many people just like fish

My Pakistani friends invited me for a spit braai. I wish they didn't take everything so literally.

White friends - don't get happy when you see shot glasses at our weddings. Its for the sour milk

They should have got Tom Cruise to act in 'Two and a half men'. That way they can keep the name no matter how tall Jake gets.

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