Friday, August 13, 2010

Concerning Engagements

I've been thinking a lot about engagements and weddings, so I thought I'd just collect some of my thoughts here. This is a disclaimer of sorts because whatever I list below applies to me only. You must do what makes you happy.

I'm not a fan of long drawn out engagements. i don't know how some people can be engaged for like three years. that shit doesn't work for me.

Actually, I don't really see a point in engagements. Unless its for the families to meet or something like that. I'm doing the whole proposal/ engagement in one. Its like Pantene 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner. None of that rinse and repeat nonsense.

Who came up with this bullshit notion that the girls family must wait for two weeks before giving an answer? Thats ridiculous. Are they waiting for a full moon to check that he isnt a werewolf or something? Why is it always two weeks?

So theres this customary practise of having the prospective couple sit on a couch at the engagement and stuff their face with sweetmeats. Yeah... i'm going to pass on that. Its silly, awkward and insensitive to your gorifoi who has diabetes and cant sample the chana maguj. Replace that with a supper/ braai and i'm happy.

Another thing I dont get is the table reserved for 'koonchas' (gifts from the couples families). Its like the father saying 'this is my daughters worth'.. a 4 kilo block of burfee shaped like a carriage, a tray of ferrerro's and a fist full of 100 rand notes shaped like swans and fans. I dont have an issue with gifts that guests bring - I like them, because they are covered. Its not for show. None of that clear plastic wrap nonsense. I like my dried fruit, but whats the point if its skewered onto the faraway tree and is covered in glitter? I'd be so much happier if they just leave it in the bag it came in. Practicality > Presentation.

At the wedding, I want to stand at the door with my wife and greet everyone as they come in. This means two things -firstly - the nikkah has to take place before, and secondly, I get to walk in with my wife.

I don't want a three tiered wedding cake that looks like Minis Tirith from the Lord of the Rings which will be chucked away faster than those see-through bags people keep the toothpicks, wet wipes and mint in. What a waste. I'd rather have three cupcakes. Sure, we'l look like complete tossers if we try cutting it, but who cares - take that establishment!

Whats with 'giving the qiraat responsibilities to your eleven year old cousin whose voice hasnt broken'? I dont want someone who sounds like Justin Bieber reciting surah Nur at my ceremony.

There has to be coke at my wedding. No compromise on this one.

For seating, there will be a mens side, ladies side and a family side acting as a buffer in the middle. Folks can choose which they are comfortable with. When I go to weddings i like the mens side. Away from those annoying kids.

You know whats great to have with tea? Those mini doughnuts with cinnamon and chocolate sauce. I'm going to hire two or three of those Dinky Doughnut mobile stands and have them making fresh dougnuts for our guests.

I'm not going to have a qawali night unless they find a way to bring back Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan from the dead. I'm also replacing mendhi night with call of Duty night, and the bachelors party with a weekend in Drakensburg with the friends ala Mo Raiman.

Thats it for now - will update the list as I think of more stuff during taraweeh tonight. Dont forget to check out my 'Inappropriate Wedding day Tweets' if you havent already.


Gorifoi, put down that doughnut!


Aasia said...

so... cos Im a girl, I have to sit with those fucking screaming kids!? Damn you Emjay! This is one wedding I'd come to, not for the coke but the doughnuts :)

word veri: wagrand

sof said...

agree agree agree.

Waseem said...

I think kunchas are like the opening bid.

I don't want any of this crap, I don't want a wedding. Just a Nikaah, and we can have book some restaurant and friends and select family can come, and they must pay for their own meal and I'll give the money we save to charity. I can't imagine finding someone to go along with that though.

Honest Waffle said...

I agree with what you're saying. My thoughts are too many to leave in a comment box, so I will do a blog post on this. Nowadays it's never about the couple who are getting married, it's about everybody else.

corpsekicker said...

I told you long ago to just let everyone know the day after.

Wondering if I should make a companion piece.

Antonio said...

I like Waseem's Idea for the reception. In fact I'd go as far as saying, if you're not related nearer to me than my first cousin AND I like you, (Both HAVE to be fulfilled), you're not that mean's I could probably have my reception in a place as big enough as the local fast food joint.

mmm.....gatsbies as reception there's a thought....One gatsby per table cut in in 8 (lets not go overboard here).....and for those that don't want coke....there's Fiesta/Frulati.

Shafinaaz Hassim said...

I want doughnuts!

Zahera said...

I want that chip twister thingymajig thats sold on the beachfront :(

Americanising Desi said...

interesting but highly predictable from your kind :)

cute too btw!

p.s. u live up to libra-ness

Work in Progress said...

Most of the stuff that happens at engagements and weddings is a load of made up crap. Who gets to decide what you have to do? I'll tell u one thing it's definitely not the couple getting married. The wedding is more about the families than it is about them. Your job as the bride/groom is to pitch up, look good and smile and nod.

I would totally crash your wedding for the doughnuts :P