Thursday, July 22, 2010

Concerning Eclipse

Warning: This post contains spoilers, but not the type you add to your Citi Golf because you think it will impress chicks.

I HATE BELLA!

I really do. I'm going to be a little more restrained with this review (i.e try to be more critical and open to discussion as opposed to my New Moon Piece) but at the onset everyone needs to know that if in the next movie someone shoots her head off with a shotgun in the first five minutes, it will be the best movie ever made! (Even better than Attack of The Indian Werewolf.) I watched this a few weeks ago, and thankfully I forgot most of it but here goes.

The movie opens with a two minute Volvo advert, so already I'm like "oh shit, they going to shove this brand up our asses for two hours", and no surprises but that's exactly what they did. I'm a fan of product placement when its done right. Subtle, and adding value to the movie. Instead, what we get here, are some pointless scenes of them driving around, doing nothing just so that they can push some cars. How many twelve year olds drive anyway?

Most of Bella's dialogue is probably ripped straight from the book, and while its probably done for fangirls who carry their copies of the books to the cinema (like how people used to carry bibles to Ahmed Deedat lectures) it doesn't make sense from a cinematic point of view. It just makes for these awkward introspective moments that drag out an already too long movie. I'm currently re-reading the Lord of the Rings, and I really appreciate what Peter Jackson has done with the movies because while everything isn't quoted directly from the books, the spirit and essence isn't lost. With these twilight movies, it really feels like she is just reading from passages.

With this whole Team Edward Team Jacob nonsense, I'd have to say that I lean more towards Edward. Sure he is an insecure bitch, but its Bella who made him that way. I mean, I'd be pissed if my girl got on a bike with a guy I hated, and drove off. Especially when he has this smug look on his face. I'd be like "I hope you crash and die", but then she'd just fight with me more. 'Lose-lose' over there. And the absolute worst moment is after they are 'engaged', and she kisses Jacob. What the hell is that!! I need caps for this..

BELLA YOU BITCH!

I see the same traits in her as I do in the villain - evil, conniving and manipulative. Thats all she is. She isnt confused at all. She knows exactly what shes doing, playing with these chumps feelings. What kind of message does that send to all these impressionable teens who watch the movie? A person who could care less about anyone elses feelings. Who lives for the moment. Without consequence, responsibility or accountability. Using men as a means to her own ends.

Jacob is so whiny throughout the movie, "Oh Bella, choose me". What a fag. You almost kinda pity him. Almost. I mean, in the second movie he had a shot, seeing that Edward was out of the picture somewhat...but to really think he has any chance here is just ridiculous. Lots of Mormon propaganda when Bella wanted to have sex but Edward was acting all noble and coy. Doubt that message will leave the theatres though.

Something that I noticed, is that the Voltari reminded me of the Church somehow (perhaps more crazy Mormon propaganda) A critique of it, because you had a small group subverting what the group stood for and all of that.

I have to admit - the fight scene was pretty cool, although I'm sure the werewolves were smaller in the second movie. When Jacob stood next to Bella it was like a huge Grizzly.

The weird thing is, for my dislike of the franchise, this movie wasn't as bad as the other two. But that's like saying 'I have Chlamydia so its not as bad as syphilis. Its still an STD at the end of the day. Sure, they were huge continuity issues like Edward not sparkling every time he stood in the sun. And lets not forget, he went to Florida to visit Bellas mum. Do you know how sunny Florida is? Its nickname is 'the sunshine state'. But that pretty much sums up twilight movies - Logic and acting sacrificed for Fluff and sparkle

p.s Bella is a bitch!

MJ

7 comments:

Shak said...

My biggest gripe is with the hypocrisy demonstrated. If any guy in real life acted like Ed or Jake, they'd be labelled clingy, suffocating and controlling.

Oh, and isn't it "couldn't care less"? As in she's caring the minimum amount possible already?

Shak said...

Subs

家榮家榮 said...

來問個安,誰不支持這個部落格,我咬他.................................................................

Aasia said...

I was left thoroughly umimpressed. I don't get the " I want to be an undead too" I also wanted for Dakota Fanning to have/say/do more
bleh serves me right.

ju吳phe宇te佳ns said...

好文,領受了!謝謝!............................................................

洪瑋婷洪瑋婷 said...

看後受益良多,謝謝∪ˍ∪............................................................

Fahra said...

Bella irritates me. She gets on my nerves. Is she the only women in that little one horse town? And the two freakist boys in the town are after her? What luck she has?