Monday, April 12, 2010

Concerning Hansel

I dont really think the witch from Hansel and Gretel was all that mean. Sure, she had a penchant for eating obese little German boys, but I reckon they were getting a pretty good deal. She didnt fatten up Gretel because lets face it... no one likes a fat bitch. Even witches with poor eyesight.

I dont see the need for an evil stepmother though. Is the witch so weak as an antagonist that she cant be chief villain all on her own? Its kinda like the Batman movies really - In the first one, all you needed was Jack Nicholson, but after that it had to be two villains per movie. Why complicate shit? I'm glad they didnt mention that Hansel was diabetic though. That would have been overkill.

We always have this desire to complicate shit though. So that it stands out. So it isnt lost in the shuffle of the ordinary. A part of me likes routine, consistency and Windowsills made of liquorice. I'm not big on gingerbread walls though - they remind me of those crappy biscuits we used to get in the orange wrappers. I cant remember the name now. The Bakers man can.. mess up now and then.

Sometimes we need to question the shit we read to our kids, but I think whats more important is that we question the stuff we consume. I'm not saying that everything is some huge Zionist conspiracy but I fear for the time where we accept everything we hear or read without negotiating the message. Put down the V for Vendetta masks though. No need to blow up the Union Building. If anything, I would blow up Melrose Arch. What a pointless Diet Coke Mall. I cant say things like Blow Up anymore. Word association is a bitch.

Hansel and Gretel could have been more complicated. I'm not talking about incest here Hamish so stop grinning. They could be two Arab kids lost in the desert. Leave as many pebbles as you like, youre' still screwed. Maybe they'l have two, three or four evil stepmothers - four times the hate. maybe they'll be starving and stuff and the witches house would be made out of Gelatine. can you imagine Gretel getting on her knees looking for a MJC stamp.

Maybe Hansel and Gretel could be American kids. Would have saved the witch time from having to fatten him up methinks.

I feel sorry for the witch. They let her cook in the oven for a few days. Little bastards. So whats the moral of the story?

You can tell me :)



Anonymous said...

Incest. Read the cement garden? Fuck what a horrid story. Oprah last week was about incest, how adult women committed incest and it was still only the man's fault. Like we ate the fucking apple.

pserean said...

well... according to terry pratchett-if i remember correctly- the poor witch was just a victim of horridly behaved children.

that or suffering from isolation-induced dementia:) *cant remember which*

and sorry for complicating matters- but why are all the men in the fairy tales such wishy washy Drips?

oh wait. they were written by men.