Saturday, February 13, 2010

Types of Women - The ECW Originals

So this Prince of Darkness (and all associated paraphernalia) has written a post on the different types of women out there. All well and good, but maybe i'm just exposed to the more extreme variety of female form. So with that in mind - Heres a couple of categories that Hamish might have missed out on. And no, this is by no way a complete list. I just hope to add to the discourse. Also - this list is extremely biased and only represents one end of the spectrum. Also - like Tolkien said in his preface to the Lord of the Rings - this piece isnt meant to be allegorical so dont assume it is about anyone in particular.

Smeagol/ Gollum

Note that this is different from the 'confused' chick, which I shall get into next.
The smeagol / gollum chick resembles something from that seminal soliloquy in the Two Towers

S: He does have a lot of time for me
G: Yeah, but its just the first eight months
S: but he is a sweet guy
G: Im sure Hitlers mum thought the same thing about him
S: He bought me a lovely watch, he must care alot
G: Should have held out longer and got a bracelet. One of those white gold bracelets.
S: But he likes me for me
G: So does Ashraf. I'm sure he would have bought you a bracelet
S: I do like white gold my preciouss

Confused chick

Traditionally, if you were confused you would be perplexed or confounded, unable to distinguish or even choose between two things. Confused chicks are NEVER confused. They know exactly what they want. but they appear confused because they can never appear to seem to having their cake, and subsequently stuffing their faces with it. 'Confused' chicks are very similar or rather have the same mindset as ...

The Victim

The victim is a wiley attention seeking prat. She knows how to play that innocent yet slightly naughty angle so well, that if she were to write about it on wikipedia, no one would edit it. ever! Guys love that angle, so every time she updates her facebook with one of the 'why me?' status updates, she can be assured of having at least eight people consoling her and ensuring her that whatever happened, it was surely not her fault. The victim never takes responsibility for her actions, but then again.. why would she? Its much easier to ignore casualties.

Rally Chick

Rally chicks, or cause whores are notorious for joining causes or for being a part of protest marches, not because they give a shit... but because they just love rallies. Thats why you'd see them at the most pointless of rallies. Is there a 'Save the T Rex' march happening on Friday? You'l be sure that Rally chick will be there. Rally chicks dont care about anything except rallies. Thats why they'l attend a pro life rally on wednesday and a pro choice one on thursday. Be wary of the ones who join every single group on facebook. Thats usually a safe sign that you might know a rally chick.

The Dementor

This chicks purpose is nothing more than to suck the life and happiness out of you. Excited about winning a competition or getting good grades or being elected to some position? Watch how the Dementor saps it out of you by reminding you that you were just lucky, or that a monkey could have got an A or that her pet Lizard would have beaten you provided that the voters were allowed to elect reptiles. Dementors are never happy for you. Its always about them. And once youve been exposed to the dementors kiss, no Patronus can save your ass.

The Sugar Daddy Girl

These materialistic bitches dont love you, they love the Prada purses you blow three of your paychecks to get them. Sure, it might seem all good for the moment, but one day you're going to be eating beans out of a can for supper six days a week so that on Sundays you can take her out for Crayfish. I dont feel sorry for guys who end up being sugar daddies.

Feel free to add more in the comments section



Antonio said...

hahahaha.....takes me back to my old days...

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to not like girls anymore

bb_aisha said...

Which profile do I fit?

M Junaid said...

Antonio :)

Humz - not all girls are bad. This is just the extremes

Spiji my dear - none of these.