Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Concerning Jack

I still enjoy the odd nursery rhyme and its wonderful how you could come back to the things you've learnt as a child and see them in a new light. I mean, take this classic for example
Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean,
And so between them both you see
They licked the platter clean
Now when I read it I realise that they were compatible for each other not because they shared the same interests and tastes, but because they complemented each other. Also, how many nursery rhymes have fat chicks in them. My favourite Nursery is still 1,2,3,4,5 Once I caught a fish alive, but ive blogged on this before so I wont go into detail now. This brings me to todays post - How are Nursery Rhymes deconstructed today? Lets give some stereotypical responses to a few. Hmm - lets see.. we need a Black Panther militant, a really conservative Indo Pak Muslim... and one more err, Random Shrek Quotes. Leeroy X, Uncle Iqbal and Shrek
Jack and Jill went up the Hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and Jill came tumbling after
Leeroy X: Yeah, Yeah thats right, the brutha has to climb a muthafucking hill to get his water. The Man just has to open a tap and its magically there. Check this out, Jack was pushed.. thats right.. by the Man. He aint got no medical Aid, just one cracked skull.
Uncle Iqbal: Jack should a not be fetching the water. This is the job of the woman. They scooped the water and Jack did not say Bismillah. Allah punish Jack, He fall and broke his head. We make duaa that Jack get Hidayat and leave the kitchen work to the womenfolk.
Shrek: [after being woken up in the middle of the night] Someone had better be dying.
[cuts to everyone in the King's bedroom]
King Harold: I'm dying...
Donkey: ...take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it.
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full;
One for the master,
And one for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.
Leeroy X: Ooh Boy, this right here is the muthafucking cracker anthem. Check this - this is a slave song from back in the day. Field Niggers answering the Man, saying 'Yes sir Yes sir, You are the Master'. Master of the fucking hellgates, Bitch! You spend a whole day busting your ass shearing sheep, and after that you give him two bags and the last one is for the house Nigger staying in the shed. Grown ass man and they call him boy. What shit is this. i'm about to pop a cap in this Racist mutha.
Uncle Iqbal: Ok, Ok. This one poem rhyme is for the bakri Eid. Allah tells us in Quran that the sheep must be divided one three ways. For You, for youre family, and for the poor. Yes, it is most important we giving the poor. Hazrath Ibrahim he going to be cutting his son but he cutting the sheep instead. Male sheep from Jannat. Maybe one day, Insha Allah if we make duaa, that Jack boy go Jannat too.
Shrek: Do you still know the Muffin Man?
Gingerbread Man: Yes, he's down on Drury Lane. Why?
Shrek: Because we're going to need flour. Lots and lots of flour.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!
Leeroy X: I know what your'l thinking. You'l thinking im going to say Humpty was pushed by the Man.. Fuck that! Humpty was one white ass Egg. That shell was whiter than a Klans uniform. Let me break this shit down for you brutha man. Humpty is a metaphor. A Metaphor for slavery. Thats right! Slavery - the organised oppression and exploitation of the Black Man. In the words of brother Malik el Shabazz - the chickens coming home to roost, and try as they may, those Southern Rednecks couldnt bring back slavery. So what the fuck are the horses? Didnt I say its a muthafucking metaphor! Horses and shit aint important, the white man just threw in horses to be confusing you and deny you your rights. Fuck the horses. Fillie Bitches
Uncle Iqbal: OK, Again with the Jack boy, same problem, same solution. This one is the job for the womenfolk. What do men know about eggs? Do we cook? Do we clean? No! Our job is to work, and the womenfolk be sorting the eggs. It was in the eggs taqdeer to fall. Alhumdulillah. We dont question Allahs will.
Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smack bottom
Stop! Hammertime
Shout out to my man AK - thanks for getting my back on Facebook


Aasia said...

You're either very very talented, or you been smoking DP, either way.

Well done, another brilliant post!

Work in Progress said...

Wow that was awesome! I came into work all sulking this morning but when I started reading that I couldn't help but laugh. Loved this post.

Saaleha Idrees Bamjee said...

The Leeroy X ones are genius lad.

Shafinaaz Hassim said...

lol.. bless uncle iqbals soul. sigh. we need more elders like him, with oh-so-much wisdom :P

Sofi said...

My (10month) nephew loves twinkle twinkle and 1,2,3,4,5.

Waseem said...

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie,
He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum
And said "What a good boy am I!"

Leeroy X - Plums in pies?? Do you know what our pies were filled with? The blood of our forefathers. It didnt taste no good, but we damn sure had to eat it.

Iqbal - it is obvious the pie was not halaal, that is the only reason he sat in the corner, he was ashamed of his sin yet he still committed it. The fact he found a plum does not detract from the sin he committed by eating Christmas pie. Tashabbuh bil kuffar. Allahu Alam.

Zahera said...

LMAO! :-D sometimes i really wonder about your talent Emmy!

Khadija said...


M Junaid said...

thanks aasia - No - me dont be no smoking dee erb

Wip my blogging sister - glad you enjoyed. I liek these two characters - im going to use them more in future

Saaleha - :)

Shafi - these uncles out there - so much of wisdom, if only we cared

Sofi - I loved twinkle, because i was a nerdy little kid so when the others used to sing it and got to the wonder what you are part I would explain it!

Was - tashabuh Bil Kuffar!

Zesticles - is that a good thing?

Khadija - thanks :)