Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Concerning Cups

Shiraz, Doc, Yuraaz Cumshot, Masood B, MJ, Waseem, Maverick, Sanchez and some guy and his wife.

The thing about Paintball is that you can never get used to the pain when that demonic sphere of colour hits you. It reminds me of this bug killer that we have in our scullery - its one of those ultraviolet bug zappers that electrocutes the bastards - I can never get used to the bang sound it makes when it fries one of the little critters.


But the pure exhilarition of it all makes the pain worth it. In fact - We're going to do the whole Paintball thing every second week and everyone is welcome to join us - The more the merrier (or at least more targets to hit)


We watched Rambo the night before so you can imagine how revved up we were to unleash hell upon each other. Masood went for paintballing two weeks earlier, and figured that this was his calling in life and immediately bought a ridiculously over priced gun, body armour, a few thousand pellets and some gloves. Standard paintball guns sting when you get shot. This idiots gun could have put down a rhino! But we'l get to that later.


So we break into two teams, and decide to have a session of search and destroy (thats just a fancy military term for shoot anything that moves). I found an amazing sniping position behind some barrels, but the problem with paintball is that once you find a good spot to camp at, some dickhead from your team will encroach on your space, and immediately your position is compromised. That dickhead happend to be Maverick (last guy on the right)


Waseem, Shiraz and Yuraaz joined us in the second session. This was my round, and I really got into the whole warfare thing, scurrying from position to position, shooting the hell out of everyone else. Every time I got a hit I would scream Allah u Akbar - next time im wearing my arafat scarf. Out of the five guys in the other side, I shot four of them - I tried shooting the guys wife but as you can see from the pic, shes kinda tiny so it was hard.


Round 3 was revenge round for team B and they slaughtered us. I dont know what happened to Waseem, but three minutes into the match I couldnt see him anywhere. I was secretly hoping he had some Predator cloaking technology but in reality he just left us to get butchered (dont deny it my man!) Yuraaz thought that he could outrun the paintballs - Kryptonian he is not. Shiraz went down when he was flanked by Masood and Sanchez, so he was like 'screw it - I cant take this shit anymore'. So here I was, all alone, against five vengeful and irritatingly accurate enemies. I play alot of Call of Duty and Gears of War. I could take on these pussies. No Sweat.


THEY SHOT ME IN THE BALLS!


I wanted to fight, to kill, to maim, but they shot me in the balls! I think I could hear that music from Snatch playing when Brad Pitt knocked out thay guy in the caravan park. I ended up with six bruises (I only found out about one when I showered that afternoon) and they all look like lovebites. So why put yourself through such torture? Because its damn fun. Thats why I'm going again next week. After I pop into Sportsmans Warehouse first to buy a cup.


MJ


p.s - Join the Paintball Club on facebook - we are going to be using it as central point for planning future outings.

8 comments:

ZK said...

sniff sniff
i didnt get an invite :(
me going cwy in the corner now

Saaleha Bamjee-Mayet said...

Paintball brings out something so terribly primal doesn't it?
What fun!

Waseem said...

Hey dont blame me, they gave me a shitty gun that got jammed.

Thanks for the banner

The Organ Harvester said...

lol@jammed gun

Man that sounds like awesome fun.
Sounds like a good idea for a blog meet? or should that be meat?

bb_aisha said...

i wanna join too. riz hates it-says it's unfeminine & why would anybody want to get hurt & bruised

SINGLEGUY said...

Love paintball. Also been a victim of the unkindest shot, MJ. Apparently I went pale white, my colleagues thought I was suffering from heatstroke, (it was 35 degrees that day, and we were at it for 30 minutes already), and I only later let on that the shot had gone where no man ever should. The ball's velocity had dropped so when final impact had occured it bounced off without leaving a stain!

Shiraz said...

i'd run out of pellets.... Thats my story and i'm stickin to it. Next time we go rambo on them... We need to use yuraaz as a decoy a bit better... He avoided way too many shots

M Junaid said...

ZK - I'm inviting you now - you and everyone else - Paintball - two weeks time. would love to take a shot at you my dear friend. Bang!

SBM - Perhaps a possible idea for blog meet?

Waseem - Yeah - sure - Jammed gun. hmm - uhuh.

OH - Come on down - we'l have a huge paint fest - i get first shot at the Kapade chick for beating me at Tekken

Bibz - the wierd thing is - you know you are going to be in pain, but you still go out there - ok, not in the first round - in the first round its all smiles and anticipation and you are all gung ho.

then you get shot and bam! you just realise what a mistake you made.
paintball is like love you see :) thats why im going back next week - im a sucker for punishment.

SG - the guy was 8 metres away when he took the shot! what happened is that masood go tme, so I raised my hand and gun (to indicate im out)and Doc the Cock took a pot shot at my MJ's. I'l get him back next week. I hope they put him on my side - I'l introduce him to the term - friendly fire


Shiraz - yeah - he must be the bunny rabbit that the greyhounds chase on the track - we'l have our revenge. mark my words. Next time - we'l do point road