Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Concerning Saws

Took sibling to watch Saw 4 tonight. We have this arrangement you see. We watch all the Horror movies together - Sharks loves horror movies. The thing about the Saw movies is that they are popcorn horrors - you go in, you get slightly squeamish, you walk out and ten minutes later when you try to remember where you kept your parking ticket, you've forgotten what happened in the movie and all you remember is some gorish trap. This brings me to the biggest problem with Saw 4 - It expected you to remember what happened in earlier Saws. Now, this isn't Two Towers. When you go in to watch the Two Towers you remember what happened in The Fellowship, you go in to watch saw 4 and all you remember is a porcelain doll on a tricycle and a messed up cancer patient.


I loved saw 2 and 3 (found the first one to have horrible acting, but a great concept) walked out of Saw 4 feeling slightly disheartened - i guess because it all didn't fall into place like a jigsaw. Anyways, it got me thinking - something like Saw will never happen in South Africa for the following five reasons




  1. Saw's traps are set on a delicate system of clues and hints. You try leaving a box unattended in a room in Johannesburg - that shit will disappear faster than a few cubes of feta cheese at a walima.


  2. Jigsaw's character is an accomplished engineer, giving him the expertise to design elaborate engineering traps. Many of my friends are Engineering graduates - idiots wont be able to wire a car radio let alone develop any complicated traps.


  3. Every person who was entrapped in the Saw movies were criminals of some sort. if every criminal has to go through some Saw ordeal, who is going to run parliament?


  4. The police in the Saw movies actually do police work like investigate, and run things like forensic tests. enough said


  5. Many of the traps depend on a television set to explain why the victim is being punished. Thanks Eskom!

MJ

11 comments:

Waseem said...

My saw trap would be a Wii with the Wii remote and nunchuk melted into your hands. Every movement you make is craved into your back but you have to finish the game or this vat of acid is going to fall on your head. And the game ... SSX Blur (Snowboarding game that thrives on tricks for uninitiated).

Lets see some sick mofo top that.

Waseem said...

carved not craved

Zahera said...

:-/ Waseem youre twisted man!
I loved SAW (all of them) although i always always have to go with someone (cant watch horror movies alone- they scare the shit out of me! I always grab the person next to me, bury my face into their arm or my hijab and end up screaming atleast once).

I havent seen the 4th one, think it came out whilst i was in Zim- will have to get i on dvd and get my sis to watch it with me. I find it more gruesome than scary though.

Noora said...

MJ , ur a frikkn genius!!
i love reading ur blog. very creative, very funny, very sweet.

watched saw on saturday - my eyes were shut through most of it.

never thout of it this way - love ur blog

KimyaShafinaaz said...

my imagination gets the better of me, and so, verging on neurosis, shafs doesnt watch horror. last i remember was a slumber party a million years ago in high school.. days of freddy kruger. lol.. bygones!

shafs loves feta. shafs is a jhb'r. feta goes a wee bit faster methinks :P

the dilemma of all dilemmas rightly said: cant run parliament without the stars of the show!!! gosh.

in real life, police are fictional characters. in the movies, police rhetoric attempts at non-fiction. wierd hey!

regards eskom.. wait for it, let me go find a candle so i can see what im typing.. sigh

KimyaShafinaaz said...

ps: strangely tho.. i love love loved Silence of the Lambs..

Sofi said...

Fact: Sofi hasnt ever watched a horror movie.

The X Files were the closet one got to that.

The Organ Harvester said...

hostel was just sick. my brother all love horror, but we have yet to find one that really sickens us or scares the holy out of us. but those based in eastern europe types grab our attention, cause we all know how evil those former communists were.

singleguy said...

Never seen any SAW movies. Horror just doesn't grab me like that. But I love movies where a simple crime turns into a huge disaster usually steeped in irony. A Simple Plan and Fargo comes to mind, even A Man Apart. I reckon these realistic storyies are more horrific than anything visual.

The Organ Harvester said...

spice girls movie was a horror movie, so was britney spears movie debut, the official one not her home porno.

Muhammad said...

LOL! Classic.

I have to disagree wit hyou though. I feel if police and some other vigilante type citizens should enact the principle of what Saws Protagonist was trying to do.

We don't need hectic gadgets and TV's to do this. simply get a scissors.. tie the fucker up and say... put the scissors to his balls and say... "right... you gonna do it again?" *snip* put it on video and send it to youtube.