Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Concerning Limericks

You would have been hard pressed if you lived in the greater Jhb region and wanted to buy a few fake dvds yesterday.
MJ went into the match supporting India, much to the vehement dislike of my online contacts - the whole support Pakistan because they are Muslim line just doesn't cut it with me - besides, regardless of who won, in the end of the day they are all coolies anyway. Wasn't it cool in a totally ungay way to see Shah Ruk support his team. Ten points to the publicist and ten points to Shah Ruk.
The Great One ( I won't mention names, suffice to say that he has an xbox which makes him cool) told me that he enjoyed my Haiku post last year, and this got me thinking about other genres of poetry that I really enjoy, so I think what I'm gonna do is once every two weeks I'll do a post on a genre, until I run out, or get bored of it, or find something better to do with my life than have a blog.
Just like my Haiku post, I prefer all comments to be in the form of limericks, but if your creative juices were syphoned off earlier in the day to water your garden (see post below) no worries. A limerick is a five line poem with a very specific rhyming structure. according to wikipedia "Limericks are frequently witty or humorous, and sometimes obscene with humorous intent."
The structure is as follows - The first line of a limerick traditionally introduces a person and a place, with the place appearing at the end of the first line and therefore establishing the rhyme scheme for the second and fifth lines. The first, second and fifth line rhyme, and the third and fourth rhyme as well, but are separate rhymes (ok - that's a crappy explanation - let me illustrate)
There was a farmer from Leeds,
Who ate six packets of seeds,
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds! credit
Legman (1977) has noted that limericks are always obscene - but being the month of Restraint, we don't have to go down that route (although it will be rewarded with green mxit smileys by yours truly) Here are some of the ruder ones I found
There once was a man from Madras
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass!
There once was a pirate (the story relates)
who liked to go dancing on roller skates.
He fell on his cutlass
which rendered him nutless
and virtually useless on dates.
There was a young lady named Lou
who said as the parson withdrew--
"Now the Vicar is quicker,
And thicker, and slicker,
And two inches longer than you
There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
And he said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin--
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it
Ok - lets do a few crappy ones (I'm just typing at the top of my head, so if they are lame, sorry - i'l put some thought into them tonight... prob during taraweeh, and put them in the comments page)
There was a young lad named Junaid
Whose game collection was A-grade
he owned a playstation
with great animation
Is it no wonder he never got laid
I once heard of waseem the great
who broke his fast with too many a date
his ass was paining
his tummy complaining
so he only read taraweeh till eight
I went to Kingsmead to watch the cricket
and screamed at the Paki on the wicket
he ran with the bat
he knocked me out flat
I didnt have time to kick it!
I once designed an application on mxit
which gives the user different flavours when he licks it
water got in
the phone was broken
and now nokia refuse to fix it
There was an old man from Dubai
whose cholesterol in Ramadan was quite high
he couldnt understand hey
he had starved the whole day
but broke his fast with six samoosas, some bhajias and a pie

MJ

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

There once was a loser named Junaid
Who tried everywhere to get laid
He searched high and low,
To get rocking to and fro,
alas he did-the hooker was paid

Mo said...

The last guy was quite witty
but i know mj mustve felt shitty
maybe its true
but mj cant screw
thats why he only loves tittys!

Chr0nic said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO!
MJ, FUK DA ANON,
WHIP OUT YE BIG OL CANON,
SHOW DEM U DA MAN,
WID UR 'DRAGON' IN HAND,
PISS ON DEM BY DA GALLON!!

Waseem said...

These commenters are so thick
Like their brain struck a brick
Due to the fact they are offensive
It shows they are defensive
About the size of their pr***

Good stuff man, will be back with more

Anonymous said...

That was a good one Waseem
You really took one for the team
Now you and MJ
Can carry on being gay
And let the others let off some steam.

Anonymous said...

hey anon, when mj and waseem finish tap dancing in your mom's underwear, think you can sell us some tickets? or maybe you should learn to grow some pebbles before you open your cake hole.

Anonymous said...

Lol! The last guy was a sour commentator
probably a chronic masturbator
his stupid comment
was not worth 2cents
he rather insert his vibrator

!Joe! said...

this is scaring me.

i used to write limericks in school about people i didn't like...i won't mention it here, in case those people are known here :) and i know you and i came up with some craaaaaazy ones before, i lost the page though :(

i am scared of the people above.

Anonymous said...

Mj is thick
No, down there
you prick

and when theres some rack
with a bit of black

you dont need to get laid
to know it wont fade

if a person just looked
they would be hooked...


CAU

Anonymous said...

All that last comment did was suck
i tink d writer was struck
mj explained it,
but they are too thick,
a perfect example of a dumbfk!

Zahera said...

:-/

M Junaid said...

i'm so proud of my commentators today - for using limmericks.

there's something seriously wrong when i'm the inspiration for so many anonymous homoerotic limmericks - not that i care or anything - sticks and stones can break my bones, but words dont mean shit.

wipe my sins out guys :D ive got a back log. I do want to steer away from this though - i mean - write a 'fuck mj' limmerick if you're absolutely dying to, but also write another. its not hard - let me show you

the problem when commenting from anonymous
is that all the vile seems synonymous
like a pack of dogs
attacking my blogs
grow some balls and try to be autonomous

there was a white lady named julie
who had a fling with this indian ganguly
her belly got round
the baby was brown
thats what you get for fucking around with a coolie :D
just jokes baby, just jokes

the first limmerick is hilarious.
person who wrote CAU - you need to work on yours hey.

M Junaid said...

and guys - i dont want this turning into yur average 'rhymes with silver' comments page ( sorry R - but you know what i mean, i still love you) so as much as i campaign for freedom of speech, dont be malicious - its ugly. take the piss out of me all you want - but some commentators are not as thick skinned as mj, and giving someone a complex does nothing to elevate your status

Anonymous said...

:(

ACU

M Junaid said...

i put my pic on facebook as a joke
in order to woo the womenfolk
i tried to get numbers
for some steamy latenight slumbers
but all i ever got was a poke!

Anonymous said...

We all know where dragan is from
he probably looks like a bum
he a jealous little hoe
now he picked on mazozo
http://draganterra.blogspot.com

The Organ Harvester said...

It's the midway through ramadaan craze. Remember headshots.

Anonymous said...

Im sorry for offending mj khan
i really did not mean any harm
i posted one limeric
it made hamish sick
i cant even blame the shaytaan

(mine was the response to CAU's)

Anonymous said...

It wasn't a limmerick
and I take offence to being called a dumbf*ck

ACU

SingleGuy said...

TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS, the lot of you!

Fun to read though...

Fatima said...

Some people are really bored...that they have to comment in limmerick????

Right.

That was a fun read MJ.
Felt a bit naughty to read it in Ramadaan though :P

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry dear ACU for the comment
my mind is somewhat twisted, not bent
i hope u will forgive me
for being harsh and nasty
i will make dua and repent.
(sorry ACU..fast got me)

r said...

now why cant i have such polite and charming anon commentators??

Noorjehaan said...

There once was a cad called Majnoon
Whose profanity made bloggers just swoon
He allowed anon comments
Without charging a cent
And was unceremoniously inundated by buffoons

OK i'm better at math than poems. But its fun nonetheless. Must tell my teacher friend about the educational value of this blog;)

M Junaid said...

for the anon guy who posted after me - i'd like to share this piece with you ...

Scar: So, your dad showed you the whole kingdom, did he?
Young Simba: Everything.
Scar: He didn't show you what's beyond that rise at the northern border...?
Young Simba: Well, no. He says I can't go there.
Scar: And he's absolutely right! It's far too dangerous. Only the bravest lions go there.
Young Simba: Well, I'm brave. What's out there?
Scar: No, I'm sorry, Simba, I just can't tell you.
Young Simba: Why not?
Scar: Simba, Simba, I'm only looking out for the well-being of my favorite nephew.
Young Simba: Yeah, right. I'm your only nephew.
Scar: All the more reason for me to be protective.

i really dont want the comments to end up being another mud slinging contest as you guys fight with dragan or blog critic. Mazozo is a friend of mine, but if you have a problem with dragan - 1)take it up on his blog. 2) all you are doing is adding to his hit counter by publicising his blog. i dont think mazozo is taking it too bad that dragan called him a cock stroker. If he likes, he can do an anti-dragan piece and get it off his chest. if you're wondering whether i'l give you the same response if Dragan picked on me - yeah , i will- i dont know who the fuck he is and his opinion does not affect my width or anything ive achieved, so why let it get to me!

OH - thats double points hey - ramadan and shahadath - no pulsiraat for that person - do we really want our enemies in heaven with us?

anon 2 - you didnt offend me at all. no worries boet

singleguy - thats a common complaint of yours :P but seriously, your job is much more admirable (saving lives as opposed to being a media whore)

Fats - thats the condition of my comments page - to add limmericks! bad fats! read my post properly next time :)

R - you gotta love em hey:P

Noor - whats a cad?

here's a few more limmericks i thought off during taraweeh (ok - crucify me because my mind wanders:P)

There was a Chinese brothel in kentucky
Whose financial report was rather sucky
The decided to downsize
And try to advertise
And wrote ‘for ten dorrars you can get rucky’

There was a young chef from Calcutta
Whose sexual behaviour resembled that of a nutter
He took off his coat
And mounted a goat
And instead of k.y jelly he used butter

AND FINALLY - TO THE GUY WHO TOOK A STAB AT MJ'S FRIEND. PICK ON ME ALL YOU LIKE - I DONT TAKE KINDLY TO YOU DRAGGING MY MATES INTO IT (IF YOU GUYS ARE CONFUSED OR ANYTHING - I DELETED THE LIMMERICK)

To the anon guy with the perception
That picking on mj will raise your reception
I have to confess
I couldn’t care less
Although I do wish your father used contraception

mazozo said...

There once was an old man in china. Who was annoyed by a great big indian myna. He went and fetched his shotgun But promptly shot himself in the bum now all his become is a constant whiner.

!Joe! said...

eish, i am not in the mood for limericks, my mind is not liking the ones that don't stick to the structure,i think i am bit too much of an old english teacher.

a cad is a bit like jude law in alfie, a womaniser, sly and unable to commit.

Major_chip_hazard said...

There's that sayin,'An Idle mind is the devils workshop',damn MJ you have shares and a factory running with the devil himself!!lol

Noorjehaan said...

*nooj cringes and mutters to self, i must wiki words before putting them where mj's clever media friends read them!* joe according to wiki that's true but used that word in reference to vikram seth's a suitable boy, the way latha and malati talk about college guys, meaning they can be buggers but also sweet. Well anyway half the fun of art like poetry is subjective interpretation:)

M Junaid said...

there once was a whore named regina
who was reputed to have the worlds largest vagina
i muffed her one day
saw bits of pompei
and half of the great wall of china!

Waseem said...

There was once a guy named Tucker,
Mr. T thought he was a sucker,
Many guys thought he was gay,
The girls didnt feel that way,
But the people from Phoenix thought he was lucker

There was once a guy named Ted,
Who had a girl who did what he said,
People said what a wonderful life,
She would make a wonderful wife,
Problem was she never gave head

mazozo said...

There once was a man from france.Who did jump and hop wit great prance.When asked if he were gay.He replied with an airy yay.As another guy licked off his lance.

mazozo said...

There once was a lad from france.Who was into what we call interpretive dance.When asked if he were gay.He replied with an affirmitive yay.As he bent over and assumed the doggy style stance.

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