Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Concerning Muggles

The Harry Potter brand is currently being milked for all its worth, and while I see the value of Berties All Flavoured Jelly Beans, I shake my head dismally at the hopeless cash-ins that seem to pollute our retail outlets – I mean, what’s next – Snapes Suduko? As is customary with every big franchise, a licenced video game is surely to follow (almost always guaranteed to be horrible- I can think of only a few tie ins that haven’t made me want to overdose on milk of magnesia and shit myself to death – Rare’s Goldeneye amongst the elite)

Mazozo has proposed a type of Potter RPG (I’l let him get into the details) but I think its rather doable as EA (the company I used as a case study for my thesis) usually does a bunch of action adventures, and then churns out a few RPG’s (see what its done with the LOTR franchise for example) and while my idea has no chance of becoming a reality (A- its an adult game. B- Rockstar does GTA)– wouldn’t it be cool to have a Grand Theft Auto Version of Harry Potter..It’l be something like this

GTA – Hogwarts

… Hogwarts has seen better days. Now four rival gangs have taken arms in an effort to increase their turf and dominate the school. You play the role of ex-con(2 charges: underage use of magic and using magic in full view of a muggle) Harry Potter as he tries to bring down the other three Gangs with the help of his mean street Griffindor Posse. Missions include ‘Breaking into Gringotts’ and ‘smuggling dragon eggs for Hagrid’. Players can get to the various locations either by using the Flue Network, walking or by using their Broomsticks (which can be upgraded at ‘Pimp My Broomstick’ in Hogsmeade) GTA’s Ammu-nation has been replaced with Ollivanders Wands, which are located in key areas. Apart from fighting rival gangs like Slytherin and Hufflepuff, if Harry attracts a lot of heat (indicated by a burning sensation from his scar) teachers will be on the look out for him and if he is caught he will land in Detention, or worse, Azkaban– he can drop his heat level by finding the Invisibility Cloak or going to the room of Requirement. Be warned that every duel could be fatal, and you can find yourself landing in Saint Mungos if you aren’t proficient with your wand. The game does feature violence and strong language and is therefore not suitable for children.



Unknown said...

it's brit, so there has to be one you sopping wanker, and stupid git, and my heart pumps custard. and herm whats her face should be a dogging ho.

Unknown said...

oh wei you're pretty twisted man. that's fucking awesome.

qdee said...

you cant write like this and expect Q to comment! im once again stunned by your brilliance that i know flows from your hair which is solar powered. i think. mj's hair- one of the eternal mysteries of the world.
anyway, i echo organ harvester's sentiments 'effing awesome' :)
i dont like potter, but i love your version.hugs!

Waseem said...

And you'll have ministry wizards waiting to give you letters for going against the International Statute of Secrecy. (They will be the police). Three stars wll be 1 Auror, 4 Stars will be 2 Aurors and 5 stars will be Hit-Wizards.

Dean would be the pimp and the Patel sisters and Lavender will be his hos.

I can't think of any more

J said...

lol at the solar-powered hair :D:D:D ya man, no one will ever know what makes mj's hair so mysterious...he's like an Indian

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the hilarious post - just what i needed after a really shitty day.

Bleh that sounded so gay !

but thanks anywayz..........

Nooj said...

yuck!!! interns being raped in bara now harry potter being sodomised on concerningmjk, what is SA coming to! btw you must watch harry potter ans the order of the phoenix, highest book/movie correlation:)

Mohamed Karolia said...

HAHAHAHAHa. Mj only you can come up with something like GTA hogwarts. And if you get 5 star rating they send Dolores Umbridge after you.

r said...

have you read the holier than thou article about HP in this months Al Qalam?

Anonymous said...

so do you just play games or can you create them... coz i would so play this game.

MJ you are so hot. you rock (lol, just for u ;).... msN

M Junaid said...

OH and QD - Thanks guys :D

QD and Joe - the secret is a combination of sunsilk, head and shoulders, a hairdryerdryer and off course - the beanie.

Was - who would pay for the patil sister? thet were yuck in gof

anon 1- glad that ive brightened someones day

nooj - sodomised? i'l catch it soon - later tis week defin

K Man - Dolores! yeah - ok - lets combine with waseem here - 1 star - peeves, 2 stars - prefects, 3 stars - aurors. 4 stars - death eaters. 5 stars - umbridge

R - i'm gonna get it this week - but dont worry - if its the usual satanic shit - i'lrespond - maybe write a few hundred words and get them to pay me for it :D

anon 2 - lol - i thought you said you only read my blog but dont comment boet.

rah* said...

interesting idea lol.